Each One, Reach One

“Everybody needs somebody sometime.”

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” It has been a long week and it’s not even half over. And while many of you are looking at the calendar and marveling at the fact that in a few days the fourth month of the year will be here. I’m thinking about how long of a year it has already been, despite the fact that we’re merely a third of the way through. Let me be clear, I’m not complaining. I’m not addicted to drugs, sex, or rock and roll and in need of an intervention. In fact, I omitted alcohol from my life this Lenten season to prove that I’m not addicted to alcohol. Mission accomplished. However, while I have nothing to complain about, my view that it has been a pretty long year thus far has been because of all the work I’ve been putting into redesigning myself. Yes, I’ve been doing a floor to ceiling remodeling of The Diplomatic Consulate and what a job it has been.

The past few months have been very enlightening for me. I made the decision to make some changes on the inside so that I may be a better person on the outside. Often times we focus on the physical changes; a lift, a tuck, a diet, or a new gym membership. While the physical changes present formidable challenges, they are nothing compared to the work that has to be done to change what’s on the inside. For most of my life, save a few years, I’ve been pretty fit so the idea of taking care of my body and eating right has never been a problem for me. However, while I’ve always taken the time to care for my physical body, I haven’t always been as dedicated to taking care of my spiritual and emotional body.

When something is wrong with our physical body, the body has a way of letting us know by way of physical manifestations: pain, smell, visual, etc. However, how do we know when we’re ailing spiritually? How do we know that it’s time for an emotional check-up? Herein lies the problem. Your body doesn’t typically cry out to you after a bad break up. Your ankles likely won’t swell after you’ve lost someone close to you. And your urine won’t smell like ammonia just because you’re a terrible person. No, that’s typically because you aren’t drinking enough water. Either that or you’re eating way too much asparagus, but I digress. The moral of the story is that it’s not as easy to tell when you’re hurting on the inside as it is when you’re hurting on the outside.

So many people walk around every day hurt, feeling like they have no shoulder to lean on, no arm to hold them and no ear to listen them. Many of these same people have more followers, friends and contacts than they know what to do with, but yet and still they wrestle with this emptiness alone. The fact is that mental health is a taboo subject, particularly in communities of color. If a man doesn’t exhibit normal outward manifestations of high levels of testosterone, we question his masculinity. If a woman cries or takes offense to something we may not necessarily consider to be offensive, we deem her to be “emotional”. And when people do things that we may not wholly and completely understand, we attribute it to mental instability. We, as a society, are hostile towards individuals with emotional handicaps or those who exhibit behaviors and outward manifestations of emotions that we don’t understand or identify with.

I readily admit that I was a terrible person growing up. I would not be surprised if there are individuals now in therapy or in need of therapy because of some of the terrible things I said and did to them as a child and an adolescent. My friends and I brought tears to the eyes of children and adults alike simply because we could. If we saw a weakness, we exploited it. We were like bulls in a china shop with reckless disregard for all the fancy stuff; primarily our victim’s emotional well-beings. Why did I do it? A number of reasons that I don’t have time to get into at the moment. But the short answer: I was a hurt person, hurting other people. Today, I’m older and wiser, and when I look back at some of the things I said and did to hurt people, I cringe. It makes me cringe to think of all the women I hurt because I was too selfish and inconsiderate to be in a relationship. It pains me to think about all the people I mentally abused because of their race, nationality or physical appearance. It sickens me to think that I saw someone in need and rather than extending my hand to help these people, I kicked them while they were down.

Everyone hurts. Anyone who tells you differently is hiding the hurt as they tell you that bold-face lie. Emotional hurt, like physical hurt, can worsen over time and may become irreparable, if not appropriately dealt with. As a friend of mine likes to say, “hurt people, hurt other people.” The little girl who was picked on throughout her childhood for not being very attractive but then grows up to be attractive and flaunt her beauty every chance she gets, is a hurt person hurting others. The man who had his heart broken by his first love, vows never to be hurt again and runs through women the way Adrian Peterson runs through defenders, is a hurt person hurting others. The boy who never knew his parents growing up and goes from pillar to post procreating but never starting a family of his own, is a hurt person. It’s a vicious cycle and until we stop and realize we have a problem we perpetuate it.

Everybody needs somebody, some time. That person may be a friend, a family member, a co-worker or a therapist but it has to be somebody. Someone has to help you through that hurt. Someone has to help you see that you’re not right and that until you are you’ll never be happy. Someone has to be there to help you heal the pain. We must not be afraid to reach out for help. If you’re hurting, tell someone. Hell, tell me if you want to. Seriously, I’d rather be inconvenienced now to save a life later and help someone in need.  

I hope all of you who are reading this pass to this on to your friends and family, whether you know their emotional state or not. You never know whose life you could be helping to turn around. Perhaps even your own. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

Losing Sucks

“I’ve dealt with my fair share of disappointments and despite their unpleasantness, I’m grateful for them. Adversity builds character and from my failures I’ve developed stepping stones to success. Life isn’t about the events that happen to us, it’s about how we respond. Respond like a Champion.” -The Diplomat

 

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” I hate losing. As much as I love winning, I may hate losing more. Losing, to me, feels like a horse kicking me in the stomach. Losing tastes like garbage, draped in vomit, peppered with horseradish and manure. Losing feels like the flu, a stomach virus and acute, explosive diarrhea combined. If I had to sum it up in a word, losing “sucks”. Yet and still it’s a valuable and necessary part of life.

I’ve always been hyper-competitive. While I have 4 siblings (3 brothers, 1 sister), I grew up with my two brothers closest to me in age; my older brother by 7 years and my younger brother by 14 months. In essence, I grew up like a middle child always feeling a need to prove myself. I felt a need to prove myself worthy of the attention that my younger sibling received and to be as strong and smart, if not stronger and smarter, than my older brother. Life was a constant struggle. My early childhood involved me trying to impose my will on my younger brother while being met with a stiff reproach by my older brother. I spent many afternoons fighting both brothers…at the same damn time. My older brother did his best not to hurt me while simultaneously reminding me that he has was the older brother and that he was the boss. However, I did my best to unseat him from his throne and show him that I didn’t give a damn. My attempts, though energetic, forceful and seemingly unrelenting, were futile.

Despite my lack of success in these battles with my older brother, I learned some very valuable lessons: that I need to fight for what I want and that I should never give up. I also learned that no one could beat by behind like he did, except my 6 foot 3 inch nearly 300 pound father, so I did not have to ever acquiesce to anyone other than those 2 people. This courage served me well at school, in the neighborhood, in sports and in competition. Unfortunately, one of the things I didn’t take from those early beatings was how to deal with failure. This probably happened because, to me, when I lost to my big brother, I wasn’t failing; I was succeeding at showing him that I wouldn’t back down and that I was just as strong and tough as he was. So when I worked hard and performed well but my hard work didn’t result in a victory, often times I was shattered.

Losing is difficult for me to understand because I was taught that if I work hard, train hard and prepare harder than everyone else, success is inevitable. How, then, could anyone explain my lack of success at times when I had executed the formula to perfection, double checked it and demonstrated that perfection in all my work? I witnessed others try and fail, but they weren’t me. I believed that I was the best and that, as such, I should never lose. However, my mother taught me, and it eventually set in, that no one wins all the time. She taught me that sometimes, even when I’m the best, I won’t always come out on top; but, that shouldn’t stop me from trying to be the best. That was a hard lesson to learn and one that I’m still digesting today; yet, it’s something that I’ve never forgotten. This lesson taught me to work hard, train hard and make any race, competition or decision between me and anyone else an easy one to result in my favor.

I work hard to be the best in everything that I do in hopes of winning and being the best, and not taking second. I work the long hours, consume the immense amounts of caffeine and push the bounds of my limitations because of my desire to excel. When the outcome doesn’t match my preparation, it’s often difficult for me to reconcile.

Over time, I’ve been able to rationalize not being crowned the winner every time I feel like I should have. I’ve been able to accept coming in somewhere less than first place. But what I have never accepted is losing. Losing sucks. When I’ve taken the moments to look back over my life, my successes and my failures, I realized that I’ve learned more from my failures than I have my successes. While success feels good, looks good and sounds good, there is no better teacher than failure. Failure teaches you what not to do in the future so as to avoid this inner turmoil that occurs when you come up short. Failure teaches you all the ways to NOT be successful.

No matter how rich or poor you may have started in life. No matter how educated or uneducated your parents may have been and no matter your race, religion, gender or ethnicity, adversity is a common denominator for us all. We all will encounter losing, we all will fail, and we all will be derailed. More important than our encounters with these events will be our response to them. Since these moments in life are inevitable we must learn from them. Since we know that it will rain during the rainy season and snow in New York during the winter, what do we do? What lessons do we garner from the heartache, heartbreak and storms that life brings our way?

The challenges we face in life don’t just occur so that we have a story to tell, but so that we have a lesson to learn. Take the time to see obstacles for what they are: building blocks to success and opportunities for greatness; for greatness lies in overcoming obstacles. No one who is successful has gotten to that level by taking the easy route. The easy route is crowded and full of people who decide to take the path of least resistance to get to a place very few get to; success. However, the road to success is scarcely populated and full of challenges, obstacles and people who welcome adversity rather than run away. We can only become stronger by experiencing a constant tearing down and rebuilding of ourselves.

Losing sucks; I know. It hurts, it smells, it tastes bad and we would rather do without it. But since we have to deal with it, we may as well learn from it. Rather than focusing on the things we can’t control--the hurricanes, the tornadoes, the snowstorms, death, financial loss and heartbreak-we should focus on the things we can control-- our response to those less than desirable moments. How you respond and what you do in the face of adversity will define you and your life. You have two options: you can respond lying down and choose to stay there because it hurts too much to get up, or you can stand up and respond like a champion. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. Stay Up and Be Blessed!

The Role Model Dilemma

Role model- A person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people.

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” The past few weeks have been really busy, exciting and tiring. Between work, travel and trying to take over the world, I’ve been working harder than a fat man’s pacemaker. I came really close to not penning a post this week. However, there are a lot of you who are avid readers of the blog so I made the time to make it happen. Hopefully you won’t be disappointed. This week we’re talking about role models.

In 1993, National Basketball Association Hall of Fame player Charles Barkley stated in an interview, “I’m not paid to be a role model. I’m paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court.” At the time, Barkley was a highly talented, highly paid and highly visible professional athlete.  Consequently, his statement set off a firestorm across the country and led to a national conversation about role models between everyone from newspaper columnists, celebrities and parents about whether athletes are and should be role models. In sharp contrast to Barkley’s sentiments was NBA Hall of Famer and then Utah Jazz star Power Forward, Karl Malone. In a column that appeared in Sports Illustrated, Malone wrote, “Charles...I don't think it's your decision to make. We don't choose to be role models, we are chosen. Our only choice is whether to be a good role model or a bad one.” Is Charles Barkley a role model? Should we look to athletes and entertainers as examples by which to pattern our lives? Or should we just admire their athletic prowess or unique talent and find a role model elsewhere?

Athletes and entertainers do not always get to dictate when the lights and cameras come on and go off so they must always be on their best behavior or suffer the consequences and repercussions of their actions. Is this fair? Yes, I believe it is. When Peyton Manning and Beyonce sign lucrative endorsement deals they agree to be the face of a particular brand or product. It’s understood that when Pepsi, Papa John’s, or any number of the companies that they have partnered with, hired them that they would be on their best behavior. There’s a reason why the average Joe or Mary doesn’t get lucrative offers to endorse products. Celebrities, implicitly and often explicitly, agree to be on their best behavior and be held to a higher standard than others. It follows the old adage, “To whom much is given, much is required.”

In my humble opinion I think we lack role models. When I was young and it was time to go outside and play, my friends and I would pretend to be our favorite athletes. One of my favorite football players was Barry Sanders so when it came time to play football in the neighborhood, he is whom I pretended to be. For every sport there was a different athlete and in many cases, many different ones to choose from. It’s easy to turn on the television or get on the internet to find an example of a shot or move you’d like to mimic in a game or a match. However, what if you aren’t athletically inclined? Well there are always Rick Ross, Maroon 5 and Nikki Minaj videos to practice rapping, singing and dancing. But what if you can’t sing, dance, write, rap or run 40 yards in under 5 seconds? If LeBron James and Dwyane Wade only serve as “role models” for what to do and not to do on the basketball court, who do you emulate if you don’t want to be a basketball player?

If you’re from a low socio-economic neighborhood, it’s likely that you have very few positive examples of what success looks like. Even those of you whom didn’t grow up in an economically depressed neighborhood may have lacked a close relationship with a doctor, lawyer, engineer or entrepreneur, but it’s more likely that you didn’t. Those who do not have a close positive example of success are drawn to the closest one they can find. If this example isn’t in the home it’s either on the street or on television, both of which often tend to be poor sources for role models. However, good or bad these examples may be, they are still role models.

I agree with Karl Malone, you don’t get to choose whether or not you will serve as a role model. The person who makes that decision is the fan, the follower, the young and the impressionable. My role models never filled out an application to be my role model. They were my role models because they were whom I chose to pattern my life after. My parents, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Michael Jordan and Jay Z, just to name a few, had no say so in the matter. I chose them and I didn’t need their consent, signature or acknowledgment. Young people find their role models anywhere they can.

While society may look down upon gang members and drug dealers, to their admirers, these are the closest or only examples of success and therefore serve as role models. We can’t rightfully tell a person not to admire the rap artist with the gaudy jewelry and nice cars, or the neighborhood hustler who always has a pocket full of cash and not provide an adequate alternative. We can’t praise the hustle and the financial gains garnered from the hustle and then put down the hustler. While Bill Gates and Warren Buffet may be many people’s model of success, the neighborhood drug lord, rap artist or star athlete is a model for others. It’s hypocritical of society to tell a young person not to admire a gang member, drug dealer or rap artist and not replace that example with a better one. To discourage one form of “success” without a tangible example of the alternative is an exercise in futility.

Whether we want to be or not we are role models and we must govern ourselves accordingly. My parents always warned me to be careful what I said and did at all times because people were always watching whether I saw them or not. Just as my role models had no say so in the matter of whether they would serve as my role model, I know that I have no vote in whether some child, youth, or young adult will choose me to be their role model. I understand that as an African-American with two degrees, no arrest record, no STD and a modest level of success, that I can be chosen at any time and never get the call that I’ve been drafted. As such, I live each day like someone is watching and handle each moment like it may be recorded for others to see. While at times this may be a heavy load to shoulder, I accept it.

In conclusion, I no longer think we’re at a loss for role models. I just think we need more people to realize that they are role models and to act accordingly. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Praying for a Bentley

“I like big stuff and I cannot lie.”-The Diplomat

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” If you’re like me and the rest of the country, you’re probably suffering through this recession and are worried about the hit you’re going to take as a result of Congress’ inability to do the one job we pay them to do, govern. Stay calm, breathe and try not to do anything rash like sending threatening messages to your congressman or start selling drugs because you love “The Wire” and “Breaking Bad.” None of those are good ideas. Sending disgruntled letters to your congressman stating how they’ll be in the unemployment line come next election if they don’t get their stuff together is a much better option.  

Aside from hoping and praying that Congress has an epiphany and solves our economic crisis, you’ve probably been praying for a million dollars, a new car and a new house or something very similar. This is normal. Most of us, except those in the millionaire and billionaire tax brackets, are consistently praying for something bigger and better than what we currently have. I call it the “Praying for a Bentley Syndrome.”

We wake up and pray every day that God will bless us with a Bentley in hopes that it will solve all of our problems. And don’t get stuck on the actual car being a Bentley. It could be a Maserati, Aston Martin, a Benz or a Bimmer. Actually, the prayer isn’t even about cars. The Bentley is a euphemism for material gain and a financial windfall. And again, there’s nothing wrong with hoping, expecting, praying or working towards a greater and more secure financial situation. However, there is a problem with believing that all of your problems will be solved just because there are more 0’s in your bank account; lest we not forget the hip-hop axiom spoken by Prophet Biggie Smalls, “Mo money, mo problems.” Money doesn’t eliminate your problems, it just gives you a different type of problem. When you come into money you have to hire a financial planner, possibly some security to keep the wolves at bay and a new phone number to hide from all the new found family. While you may no longer be ignoring phone calls from Sallie Mae and Visa, you’ll likely be dodging phone calls from Auntie Mae and LaVisa.

I caution you about putting all of your hopes and dreams on “Praying for a Bentley” and suggest that you put your energy and effort into appreciating the things that you have. If you’re always looking past what’s right in front of your face you’ll never be content and you miss the blessings that may be lying right in your lap. We need to appreciate the Honda before we can expect a Bentley. Most of us are taught to ride a bike with training wheels because trying to learn without them will lead to way more pain than we’d like to endure. The training wheels give us the opportunity to learn with as little chance as possible of hurting ourselves. They allow us to train and ride with a safety net before we hit the open road or the trail with a mountain bike.

The majority of instant millionaires are broke or dead within a couple of years of attaining their wealth. Becoming instantly rich is much like learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Sure there’s a chance you’ll work it out without landing face first on the pavement; however, the odds aren’t in your favor. It’s a quick fix and, most times, the quick fix isn’t the best fix; in fact, it usually isn’t a fix at all. The struggle, the bumps, the bruises, and the falls are what teach us what to do with the success at the end of the tunnel. After you’ve fallen a few times you know how to stay on the bike.

Adversity builds character. Every obstacle is an opportunity for us to realize our greatness and to be better than we were before. Because you’ve been knocked down, you’ve learned how to stay up and that falling isn’t the end of the story. There is absolutely nothing wrong with praying for a Bentley but while you’re sending up that prayer be sure to appreciate the Hyundai in the driveway. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Invincible

“I’m not your superwoman, [Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman or Catwoman either]…”

-Karyn White & [The Diplomat]

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” From time to time, I like to share deep dark secrets with you about my personal life. I think we’ve built a strong enough relationship that I can trust you with this information. I’m not going to give you my Facebook password or my ATM pin, but I will share some things that may go a long way in building our relationship. I’ve been seeing a therapist. Why, you ask? Well there are a number of reasons, a few that come to mind off the top of my head are: my addiction to “Dexter”, my superiority complex, workaholism, boundary issues, so on and so forth, but I digress. I’m sharing this because one of the things my therapist has encouraged me to do is to realize my own mortality, which prompted this week’s look at knowing your limits.

When I was in school I got the nickname Superman. The name stuck and my love of the character and all things Superman grew. So much so that if you came to my house and walked in my office you might think you were in a comic book collector’s lair. My affinity for the character isn’t just a derivative of the moniker or a boyhood desire to see through walls and fly. No, I like Superman because I believe I am Superman. Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and can leap a building in a single bound. Aside from that pesky aversion to kryptonite, he’s invincible. Who doesn’t want to be invincible and impervious to bats, bullets and ray guns? Who doesn’t want to beat Usain Bolt in a race? Who doesn’t want to save people?

Ever since I can remember I’ve been “the one.” Whether the title was self-appointed or given to me it’s been the title. I’m the one they called on in school if they needed a speaker or MC. I’m the one people call to proof their papers or resumes. I’m the one people call on when they have problems, legal or otherwise. Rather than calling myself “The Fixer” or “The Problem Solver” I called myself, and other people indulged me, Superman.

I’m not the only adult who had (and still maintains) a childhood affinity for superheroes. In high school there were a group of us so fixated on superheroes and cartoon characters that we carried tin lunchboxes with our favorite characters on them. Yeah…we did that. While we may be older, wiser and way too busy to watch cartoons (not me of course), many of us still compare ourselves to our animated alter egos. For many, playing Wonder Woman comes in the form of cooking, cleaning, nurturing, working, counseling and trying to squeeze more hours into every day than the 24 we’re given. For others, playing Batman means 5 am workouts, 10-12 hour work days, finding time for family and friends and being on call for the next minor or major emergency that may befall them. Eventually this gets old, you become fatigued and you need to recharge.

The difference between me and the “real” Man of Steel is that when Superman feels devoid of energy and needs a vacation he has the Sun and his Fortress of Solitude to recharge his battery and to get away from it all. But where do I go? How do I recharge? The fact of the matter is I usually don’t until I have to, and when I do it’s critical for me to stop, drop and rest or I’ll end up in a hospital bed. Where is your Fortress of Solitude or Bat Cave? What is the source of energy that you use to recharge after a long bout with whatever life has thrown at you?

I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, that you can’t be all things to all people (WOOSAH!). I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. Someone always gets left out in the cold and most of the times that person is you. Giving of your time, talent and finances is admirable and encouraged but eventually the day ends, you grow tired and unless you’re Bill Gates you’ll go broke. Do what you can with what you have and leave the rest for everyone else. Don’t be so consumed with saving the world that you forget to save yourself. Your desire to be a superhero should not come at the expense of your life, health and wealth. You can’t give what you don’t have. Contrary to what you have convinced yourself to be true, you’re NOT invincible.

I’m in no way encouraging you to stop helping others. Do not interpret this post as a message to not give to Green Peace, feed the homeless, mentor a youth, or donate your time at a Soup Kitchen. No, what this post is saying is that you’re human not superhuman and that you should govern yourself accordingly. Don’t go trying to run through brick walls, trying to melt butter with your laser vision or jumping off the building in an attempt to fly. Don’t answer your phone every time it rings at all times of the night. Don’t be so quick to run to everyone’s rescue in non-emergency situations. Don’t spend all of your money fixing someone else’s car, house or financial issues that you ignore your own. When you stop always being available and running to people’s rescue when they call, scream, text, or write, eventually they’ll figure it out for themselves. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Always being there when something goes wrong for your friends and your family is what a good friend, child, brother, sister, spouse is supposed to do. However, there are limits. You have to ask yourself, by being there EVERYTIME are you teaching your loved ones how to fish or are you handing out catfish sandwiches when they need it? The only person you’re responsible for (aside from your offspring and dependents) is you.

Eventually all of our tanks will hit empty and our reserves will be at 0. Then what? Then we recharge. If we wait too long to fill up and/or get away it may be too late. Hopefully you take precautions not to get that low because rebounding can be a long arduous process that will either be done in a mental health facility, a hospital, a beach, or a dark room rocking yourself to sleep to the sound of smooth jazz or Michael McDonald. Take time to dry clean your cape (because you know you can’t wash it), polish your boots and wash your tights. And while you’re doing that, take the time to recharge because you’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you’re not around. You’re not invincible so stopping acting like you are. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

Tomorrow Isn't Promised-Take The Risk

“If at the end of the day you don't feel an inch, step or foot closer to your dreams you're doing something wrong.” –The Diplomat

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”.  I apologize for my absence from the blog last week but it was a really busy week. Between meetings, interviews, travel and very little sleep, there wasn’t much time to pen a post. No worries, I’m back and ready to go. Despite my incredibly busy schedule as of late and the fact that there appear to be no signs of it slowing down anytime soon, I’ve managed to stay upbeat and focused on my #1 goal…”trying to take over the world.”

I’m a superhero…or so I tell myself. My superpowers are focus and drive. I have an uncanny ability to focus on the task at hand when life is anything but stable, uncertainty is at an all-time high and Rome is burning. Some of this is due to my life experiences that forced me to adapt and some of it comes from lessons I learned at home. I learned from my parents, at an early age, that “one monkey don’t stop no show” and that even when my life may be falling apart, the world continues to turn. While it’s perfectly understandable to take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts after a death in the family, a forced career move, or a relationship disaster, we must not dwell any longer than is absolutely necessary on these things. Give every event its due time and energy but not a second or ounce more. Anything extra is time and energy not spent on working towards your goals. My parents taught me how to be strong in the face of adversity and my past experiences were tests to see if I paid attention.

Every breath, every step and every second spent on this planet is a gift from God, which is why it’s called the present. The only guarantees in life are death and taxes; everything else is to be determined. Once we’re able to accept our fallibility, our humanness and our lack of control over tomorrow, we should then live life with passion, vigor and unrivaled zeal. In the words of Jack Harbaugh, we should attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. In doing so, we should do 3 things every day:

1. Thank and Praise God

2. Get Better

3. Get Closer to Our Dreams

If you aren’t doing these things daily then you’re doing it wrong. If you aren’t moving forward than you’re moving backwards. Every step that you don’t take is a step in the wrong direction. A colleague of mine by the name of Randall K. Benjamin, II (@rkbtwo) has adopted the mantra “take the risk.” I encourage you to do the same. You will fail every challenge you don’t attempt. You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You will miss out on every opportunity you don’t take. You will regret every risk that you don’t take.

Take the risk to realize your mortality and thank God for an opportunity to make your mark while still on earth. Take the risk and don’t settle for who you are today (in life, health, and wealth) and work towards who you want to be tomorrow. Take the risk and take a step away from the mundane and the routine and take a step closer to your dreams. Take the risk!

Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

Wave Hello

Just keep going, and don’t look back

And look forward from where you’re at

There’s some jealousy in your rearview

Wave hello, hello, hello…

Push that pedal to the max

Count that money that’s in your lap

There’s some jealousy in your rearview

Hello, hello, hello…

-“Hello” T.I. ft. Cee Lo Green

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”. Last week, I commemorated my 100^th blog post with a special introspective look at my life through the lens of this blog. I reviewed 99 posts before constructing #100 in an attempt to remind myself of where I started, to see where I am and to better ascertain where I am going. It was both enlightening and scary to compare where I started with where I am now, but I must admit that taking this introspective look evoked a personal feeling of pride.  Often times, many of us speak about growth and being better but what is our barometer? How do you really know that you’ve grown? What is the measuring stick for determining that we’re taller, emotionally speaking, than we were before? For me, it’s my blog. Looking over my blog served as a means to see what I wrote about over the course of more than 2 years and I’m proud to say I can see the growth.

During the first one hundred posts of this blog I’ve experienced heartache, heartbreak, love, triumph, defeat, success, anger, anguish, misery, depression, joy and pain. I’ve been lied on, lied to, talked about and mistreated; I’ve also been wronged and I’ve wronged others as well. Finally, I can honestly say that during this process I’ve picked up my share of haters too. There are so many songs, catch phrases and sayings about haters but what do we do with them and, better yet, what do we do with the hate? Unlike some people, I believe both the hater and the hate serve a purpose.

In his critically acclaimed song “Stay” Nas said, “some hatin’ is confused admiration.” For someone to take the time out of their lives to hate and hate on you means that you have something they want. No matter how “tore up from the floor up” your life may be there is something that you have, possess, or exude that illicits envy from someone else. It may be your significant other or your spouse, your car, your house, your well-behaved children, your impeccable sense of style, or your ability to glide on top of Lake Bullsh*t while you’re furiously paddling beneath it like a duck. All the while, you’re struggling to pay bills, you’re riding to and from work on fumes, your kid just got put out of school, your brother or sister has a drug problem and your good-for-nothing partner is driving you up a wall. No matter how dystopic your life may be on the inside, someone still finds a reason to be jealous of what you show on the outside.

Congratulations, you have mastered the art of “faking it til you make it”. Not everything will be perfect and things won’t always go our way. Sometimes our money will be funny, although the landlord won’t be laughing. At times we may be starving but the refrigerator may be empty and our bank accounts too. If you’ve learned how to pretend to be happy, if you’ve learned how to fake contentment, and if you’ve learned how to smile in the midst of the storm, maybe you’re just crazy enough to believe that eventually everything will be alright.

No person, place, or thing on God’s green earth is perfect including you, yours, me and mine. We must come to grips with this imperfection and live life accordingly. That doesn’t mean you should be content with calamity or ok with anarchy. No, it means being satisfied with doing your best on your quest for greatness and knowing that no matter how hard you try, perfection is unattainable but that you’re going to keep striving for it anyway.

The journey is long, arduous and filled with trials and tribulations. The road is filled with potholes, ditches, trolls and faulty bridges. The weather won’t always be great but there is relief. When you see a hater say “Hey, how you doing?” and take it as a sign that while your world may be far from anything resembling Disney Land, you know you’re doing well enough to be hated. Take solace in the fact that while you may be hurting on the inside that joy that you exhibit on the outside is causing others to lose their minds. From these things we should garner encouragement to keep going. Use the haters as fuel to power your dreams.

No matter how steep the mountain is, keep climbing. No matter how daunting the task may be, keep going. No matter how much you may be talked about, ridiculed and abused, keep pushing. Keep pushing and don’t look back and just wave hello at the haters as you pass them by. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Keep It 100

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
-Bill Cosby

Greetings folks and welcome to the 100^th edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”. Wow, just saying 100 makes me feel special. I was going to rent out Liv, contract DJ Khaled and Rick Ross for a live performance and throw a huge party. But after consulting my accountant, my bank account and the shoe box in my closet, I realized that was not in the budget. Instead, I’m pouring a bottle of something dark and delicious, raising a glass and giving thanks to God, my family, friends and followers for making this possible. CHEERS!

I’ve been writing for quite some time, yet when I made the decision to go to law school, my passion for writing along with my dreams of becoming a football player and a famous R&B singer went the way of the dodo. After law school I went through some troubling times and was encouraged by a friend to start writing again. After months of encouragement I finally did and what resulted on April 13, 2010 was the first post of this blog entitled “I’m Sorry.” It was viewed by a grand total of 7 people. No, there aren’t any numbers missing and no you didn’t develop an acute form of dyslexia. The numbers were pretty typical, all under 10 views until June of 2010.

Initially the blog wasn’t about the views. It was about me finding my lost passion for writing and getting my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto the screen. The blog started out as a form of therapy for me and over time it turned into a critique of society, politics and me.

Today, I care a little more about the number of weekly views than I did then, but not much more. As I’ve been doing this for over two years, I’ve learned that the number of views a particular post gets depends on a lot of factors, most of which I don’t care to address week in and week out, just to pat myself on the back because a few people read my blog. What I care about most is my message and sharing it with others. Over the years, it’s been the thanks I’ve received for timely words of advice, consolation and encouragement which have strengthened my resolve to continue to write this blog.  It’s because of you more so than anything that I continue to write.

Reading over the previous 99 blog posts has led me to a few conclusions:

1. I have grown a tremendous amount in the past 2 years;

2. The blog would not be possible without my family, friends and avid readers; and

3. There’s still so much more I can do with this blog.

For those of you who know me best you know that my greatest goal in life is to take over the world. My quest for global domination isn’t to enslave humanity and force them to bow at my feet and feed me grapes. My quest is so that I may be able to travel when I want, enjoy the finer things in life, take care of my family and help others along the way. Today that’s still my goal and it’s something I wake up and work on every day, except Sundays (a man has to have a day off). I believe this blog is a step towards helping me achieve those ends, which is why I continue to write.

The initial lackluster number of page views sometimes felt like rejection. It felt like I had offered the world my life and they snatched it, threw it on the ground and did the Mexican hat dance on it. Over time, I learned to take it for what it was, a challenge. Challenges strengthen us and present opportunities for greatness. For all of the hardships that I have endured in my life I’ve experienced a lot of accomplishments as well. Every challenge and controversy was followed by a subsequent moment of triumph, which allowed me to appreciate the moment so much more. I’m thankful for the great times and appreciative of the not-so-great times because I know both are needed for success.

Admittedly, I’ve experienced a lot of growth between April 2010 and now but by no means am I anywhere near where I want to be as a man, friend, family member and global citizen. I want to be stronger, kinder, more understanding, more humble, rich, and famous with a closet full of Jordan’s (I kid, I kid). Until I’ve reached those goals, I’m going to continue to work on being a better man and I’m going to continue to write.

To those seven of you who have been here from the very beginning, thank you so very much for the inspiration and instilling in me the courage to step out on faith and share my thoughts with the world. To the rest of you that make up the more than 4,300 page views this blog has seen in two years, thank you as well. The initial seven may have jumpstarted this post but you are the lifeline that continues to keep it going. I hope that you continue to read my blog, that you’ll share it with others and grow with me. I love you all. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

History in the Making

History in the Making

His·to·ry   [his-tuh-ree, his-tree]  noun.

1. the branch of knowledge dealing with past events.

2. a continuous, systematic narrative of past events as relating to a particular people, country, period, person, etc., usually written as a chronological account; chronicle: a history of France; a medical history of the patient.

3. the aggregate of past events.

4. the record of past events and times, especially in connection with the human race.

5. a past notable for its important, unusual, or interesting events: a ship with a history.

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”. I know I left you high and dry last week but I promise I have an excuse. It was a terrible week. Between a never ending commute, tight deadlines at work and life, it was next to impossible to publish last week. But I’m here now.

This past Monday we celebrated the 57^th inauguration of the 44^th President of the United States. We also celebrated the day we remember the birth date of the Father of the Civil Rights Movement, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. On the day we celebrated the second inauguration of the nation’s first Black President, we celebrated the birth of a man assassinated for his belief in the notion “that all men are created equal.” While we commemorated the successful transition of power, we also celebrated the man who helped make that transition of power to a person of color possible. It’s historic.  

History is the branch of knowledge dealing with past events. It’s the study of things that happened that provides us with an appreciation of the present and a better understanding of things to come. We make history every day that we take a breath and every day that the date on the calendar changes. What we did yesterday is now history and what we do today will soon become history as well.

Therefore, yesterday shouldn’t be discarded with the trash never to be seen, heard from, or spoken of again. Yesterday should be treated like a memory, gone but not forgotten, because no matter how good or bad yesterday was there’s always a lesson to be learned. Yesterday a kid learned that 1+1=2, another learned how to spell his own name, while another learned not to touch the hot stove; all valuable lessons. Armed with that knowledge these kids can do quadratic equations, read and write novels and not burn their hand off.

What we do today will be history tomorrow. We can’t waltz through life as if nothing we do matters, as if nothing we do will affect anything or anyone else, or as if nothing we do will impact tomorrow because it will. Every day that we’re alive we’re making history. That is why we should learn to appreciate both the good and the bad events that occur in our lives. While we often have great days, we also have days that absolutely suck; however, we need to appreciate them. From the less than desirable days and events we learn the bounds of our strength, our threshold for pain and that what doesn’t kill us will, in fact, make us stronger. From the great days that make us smile, laugh and enjoy life we learn to appreciate success, we learn to smile and we learn what happiness really means to us. That is why we must consider both the good and the bad times to be important contributions to history. In every event, every setback, every comeback, every firing and every bad grade there is a lesson. What we choose to do with that lesson is on us. We can choose to take the good and the bad, pay close attention to the information they provide and allow it to shape our history or we can choose to ignore it; the choice is yours. But my advice is that we should be careful to note that history ignored and/or forgotten is history that is bound to be repeated.

Don’t let history define you or deter you. Write your own history and define yourself. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

I Won't Complain

“I used to complain that I didn’t have any shoes, until I met a man that had no feet.”

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomatic Report.” I’m convinced that I am the friendliest looking person in America. Seriously. No matter how much I may be enjoying my iPod while walking down the street, how engrossed I may appear to be in my book on the metro, or how angry of a black man I may look sometimes in public, people still want to talk to me. For whatever reason, there is something about my appearance or demeanor that says, “Talk to me. I don’t mind.” Every day it seems like I’m starring in another episode of “Strangers in My Space.”

For example, last week I was in the break room at work seeking a reprieve from the monotony of my task at the moment, when a co-worker began to talk to me. Why? Because, like I said, I’m the friendliest looking person in America. This guy began to tell me his life story, which is normally the point in the conversation where I pretend I have a phone call or acute and explosive diarrhea. However, his story was different. His story was about an African refugee who had experienced the highs of having everything and the lows of having nothing. He left his native African country, after his wealth had been taken by the proxy government, with his 2 children and $29. He came here, went to law school full-time, and worked 60 hours a week at 3 different jobs while raising his kids as a single father. With all of that going on, he somehow managed to graduate. Then he sat for the bar and passed the exam, but was denied admission despite having passed the test. He was denied because of debt he accumulated while trying to get his law degree, feed his family and pay the bills. For 2 years he fought with the admissions committee to become a licensed practicing attorney and eventually won.  

However, in the mean time, he had to do something—anything--to feed his two young children and pay the bills. He filled out application after application and was denied and turned away. He eventually came to a point where he could no longer support his family so he sent his two young children to live with a friend in another state so they wouldn’t have to deal with the pain and shame of being evicted and homeless. Once they were in safe care, he was relegated to living in a homeless shelter for 2 months while he attempted to work his way out of debt, homelessness and unemployment.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t been able to get a job for months prior to that moment. He told me of the countless applications he filled out and the hundreds of jobs he was denied because: 1. He wasn’t barred; or 2. Was too qualified. This is the plight of many out of work and displaced attorneys all over the country. To be an attorney without a job is one of the biggest black eyes a professional can have. People assume that you’re either not good enough or overqualified for a particular position, which leaves most smart, qualified, hardworking attorneys unemployed or working out of their field. After a lengthy battle with the bar admissions committee, eventually he was barred and two days later he received an offer for employment.

Despite my initial resistance to talking to this man, I was captivated by his story and inspired to pen this blog. It’s easy to gripe and complain about how terrible things are in our lives and I know for many of us it’s a legitimate gripe. However, there will ALWAYS be someone who has it worse than we do. I’m reminded of a quote that says, “I used to complain that I didn’t have any shoes, until I met a man that had no feet.”

For lack of better words, things suck right now for many of us. Many of us just saw our take home pay get sliced, we’re concerned about whether we’ll be able to pay all of our bills, and we’re worried that Congress’s bickering and petty childish behavior will doom us all to eternal brokeness. Yet and still, we have jobs to do, families to raise and a God to praise in spite of our circumstances. I’ve found that as hard as things are today and as heavy as the burden may weigh right now, it gets a little easier and the load gets a little lighter the further we go.

I’ve been bent but never broken. I’ve been knocked around and knocked down, but always made it to my feet before the end of the standing 8 count. I’ve been fatigued but I’ve never quit. We must find the will, the determination, the strength and the faith to continue because trouble won’t last always. The Bible says, “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” If your life seems dark right now it just means the sun hasn’t risen on your circumstances just yet. But don’t quit before dawn. Hold on, welcome the challenges, and see if you won’t be better for it in the end. Without controversy or strife there be can be no progress, no growth, no glory.

I hope the first two weeks of the New Year find you doing well and that the next fifty weeks are even better. As a public service announcement, if you like what you read, please feel free to drop a line in the comment section below, pass it along to a friend, family member or stranger, or start following the blog (look to the left of the blog). Thanks for the LOVE! Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Happy New Year

Greetings folks and Happy New Year! I’m back from my holiday vacation and I’ve kind of, sort of missed you. Yes, you too. I hope everyone has been resting or partying to their heart’s content and is ready to get down to the business that 2013 has for us. Last year was a rough year for me and talking to friends, readers and complete strangers, I’ve learned that I wasn’t the only one. There were ups and downs, mountains and valleys, laughter and tears and roadside ditches. Yet through it all we made it and we’re much better off for it.

I can honestly say that I’m a better man because of the trials and tribulations of 2012 and if I had an opportunity I wouldn’t change a thing. Adversity builds character and conflict gives us the opportunity to be great. I’ve never been one for ordinary so if it takes me getting knocked down, to get back up and step into greatness then so be it. I welcome the challenge.

Through my reading, I’ve found that many people either love or loathe New Year’s resolutions and that there aren’t many people who sit in between. There’s the faction who believe they don’t need the passage of time to resolve to do a new thing and I tip my hat to them. Then there are those who, were it not for every January, probably wouldn’t resolve to do much. I don’t wait until January 1^st to declare my goals or intentions for the upcoming year because mine are always evolving. However, I do take advantage of the yearly tradition to see where I’ve been and where I’m going. Regardless of what camp you lie in when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, I think it’s important that we set goals for ourselves and that once we set them we Think them, Believe them and Do them. Resolutions are just empty promises if we don’t think they’re plausible, believe we can accomplish them and then actually follow through.

As I’ve done every year since starting this blog, I’ll share some of my resolutions with you. Again, this isn’t my complete list as some of them are rather personal and I’d much rather keep those between me and God. Without further ado here are my 2013 Resolutions.

1. Grow

Anything that isn’t continually growing is dying and I’m not ready to die yet. Despite my accomplishments, I’m not nearly satisfied and I’m eager to see what happens next. I’m not always the easiest person in the world to deal with and my family and friends can attest to that. I know that the man I am today isn’t the man for the job tomorrow, but that the man of tomorrow isn’t that far away from me. Accordingly, I plan to read more, write more, learn more, and share more in hopes of being a better me.  

     2.  Get Published

I enjoy writing and have since I was a little kid. Part of the impetus for this blog was to get my thoughts out and get back to writing. I did a lot of writing in law school but not the fun and enjoyable kind I did prior to law school. Writing this blog has allowed me to find my passion for it again and my desire to share my thoughts with the world. So, I’m working on a manuscript for a romance novel meets crime drama meets whatever the genre Steven King writes. I’m kidding, but there is a manuscript in the works and I’ll be taking pre-orders tomorrow at your local corner store.

3.   Community Outreach

The Bible says, “To whom much is given, much is required.” I consider myself to be blessed and highly favored and God reminds me of it every day. However, living the life that I live and working the hours that I work often leaves little time to help others. What is life about if we aren’t helping others? Yes, I love a fine timepiece as much as the next man (maybe a little more) and I prefer 12 year old Scotch to liquor that comes in plastic bottles. However, I know that I can’t take any of that with me when I’m gone. My legacy, my impact, my gift to the world will be in what I leave behind. So, for every dollar that I make, every hour that I spend at work and every gift that I buy for me, I’ll take a fraction and give back. I think it’s important to give both time and money because neither alone is enough to help solve the world’s problems so I’m pledging to give both.

These are just a few of the goals I’ve set for myself for 2013. I hope that they inspire you to set your own and hold yourself accountable as I’ve done here, so publicly with mine. My hope for all my readers in 2013 is that you’re blessed beyond measure, that this is your best year yet and that you don’t sell yourself short. THINK you can, BELIEVE you can, and then DO it! Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!