Invincible

“I’m not your superwoman, [Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman or Catwoman either]…”

-Karyn White & [The Diplomat]

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” From time to time, I like to share deep dark secrets with you about my personal life. I think we’ve built a strong enough relationship that I can trust you with this information. I’m not going to give you my Facebook password or my ATM pin, but I will share some things that may go a long way in building our relationship. I’ve been seeing a therapist. Why, you ask? Well there are a number of reasons, a few that come to mind off the top of my head are: my addiction to “Dexter”, my superiority complex, workaholism, boundary issues, so on and so forth, but I digress. I’m sharing this because one of the things my therapist has encouraged me to do is to realize my own mortality, which prompted this week’s look at knowing your limits.

When I was in school I got the nickname Superman. The name stuck and my love of the character and all things Superman grew. So much so that if you came to my house and walked in my office you might think you were in a comic book collector’s lair. My affinity for the character isn’t just a derivative of the moniker or a boyhood desire to see through walls and fly. No, I like Superman because I believe I am Superman. Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and can leap a building in a single bound. Aside from that pesky aversion to kryptonite, he’s invincible. Who doesn’t want to be invincible and impervious to bats, bullets and ray guns? Who doesn’t want to beat Usain Bolt in a race? Who doesn’t want to save people?

Ever since I can remember I’ve been “the one.” Whether the title was self-appointed or given to me it’s been the title. I’m the one they called on in school if they needed a speaker or MC. I’m the one people call to proof their papers or resumes. I’m the one people call on when they have problems, legal or otherwise. Rather than calling myself “The Fixer” or “The Problem Solver” I called myself, and other people indulged me, Superman.

I’m not the only adult who had (and still maintains) a childhood affinity for superheroes. In high school there were a group of us so fixated on superheroes and cartoon characters that we carried tin lunchboxes with our favorite characters on them. Yeah…we did that. While we may be older, wiser and way too busy to watch cartoons (not me of course), many of us still compare ourselves to our animated alter egos. For many, playing Wonder Woman comes in the form of cooking, cleaning, nurturing, working, counseling and trying to squeeze more hours into every day than the 24 we’re given. For others, playing Batman means 5 am workouts, 10-12 hour work days, finding time for family and friends and being on call for the next minor or major emergency that may befall them. Eventually this gets old, you become fatigued and you need to recharge.

The difference between me and the “real” Man of Steel is that when Superman feels devoid of energy and needs a vacation he has the Sun and his Fortress of Solitude to recharge his battery and to get away from it all. But where do I go? How do I recharge? The fact of the matter is I usually don’t until I have to, and when I do it’s critical for me to stop, drop and rest or I’ll end up in a hospital bed. Where is your Fortress of Solitude or Bat Cave? What is the source of energy that you use to recharge after a long bout with whatever life has thrown at you?

I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, that you can’t be all things to all people (WOOSAH!). I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. Someone always gets left out in the cold and most of the times that person is you. Giving of your time, talent and finances is admirable and encouraged but eventually the day ends, you grow tired and unless you’re Bill Gates you’ll go broke. Do what you can with what you have and leave the rest for everyone else. Don’t be so consumed with saving the world that you forget to save yourself. Your desire to be a superhero should not come at the expense of your life, health and wealth. You can’t give what you don’t have. Contrary to what you have convinced yourself to be true, you’re NOT invincible.

I’m in no way encouraging you to stop helping others. Do not interpret this post as a message to not give to Green Peace, feed the homeless, mentor a youth, or donate your time at a Soup Kitchen. No, what this post is saying is that you’re human not superhuman and that you should govern yourself accordingly. Don’t go trying to run through brick walls, trying to melt butter with your laser vision or jumping off the building in an attempt to fly. Don’t answer your phone every time it rings at all times of the night. Don’t be so quick to run to everyone’s rescue in non-emergency situations. Don’t spend all of your money fixing someone else’s car, house or financial issues that you ignore your own. When you stop always being available and running to people’s rescue when they call, scream, text, or write, eventually they’ll figure it out for themselves. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Always being there when something goes wrong for your friends and your family is what a good friend, child, brother, sister, spouse is supposed to do. However, there are limits. You have to ask yourself, by being there EVERYTIME are you teaching your loved ones how to fish or are you handing out catfish sandwiches when they need it? The only person you’re responsible for (aside from your offspring and dependents) is you.

Eventually all of our tanks will hit empty and our reserves will be at 0. Then what? Then we recharge. If we wait too long to fill up and/or get away it may be too late. Hopefully you take precautions not to get that low because rebounding can be a long arduous process that will either be done in a mental health facility, a hospital, a beach, or a dark room rocking yourself to sleep to the sound of smooth jazz or Michael McDonald. Take time to dry clean your cape (because you know you can’t wash it), polish your boots and wash your tights. And while you’re doing that, take the time to recharge because you’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you’re not around. You’re not invincible so stopping acting like you are. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!