Change

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.”
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Greetings folks! I’d like to begin to today’s post with a little sharing, something I want to get off my chest. There is something I’d like to let you know; something that will make us more than just blog buddies but best friends for life. If that’s something that interests you then please continue on. If it in no way remotely interests you and in fact it just scared the hell out of you, but you’re still curious to know what I’m about to share, then you can continue reading as well.

Okay here it goes; I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. Whew, that felt good to get that out in the open. I feel infinitely closer to you right now. Can you feel it? I do. I’m not talking about the “Thriller”, “Smooth Criminal”, “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough” Michael. I’m talking about the “ABC” Jackson 5 Michael, the “Ben” Michael, and the “Butterflies” Michael. I know this may alter what you think of me but I’m ok with it. Ever since I was a little kid and I saw the Moonwalker video, I was a fan. I wanted to dance, sing and wear one glove like him. I wanted to make music, help people and own a monkey just like him. Eventually I grew up and realized that they only sold gloves in pairs and that my parents would never allow me to own a monkey even if I promised to take care of it. However, my love for his music still persisted. One of my favorite MJ songs is “Man in the Mirror.” In this song, Michael talks about making a change but instead of starting with everything and everyone else, he decided to start with the man in the mirror.

Sounds simple, but trust me as a man who’s decided to make some changes in his life, it’s much harder than it appears. We as humans are creatures of habit. We get accustomed to doing things a particular way and most want to continue to do it that way for the rest of our lives. Even people who pride themselves on being spontaneous, adventurous and unpredictable have some aspect of their lives that even they can set their watch too. As such, change is hard. Really hard. Just ask the drug addict, the alcoholic and the chain smoker. It’s hard to stop doing something that you’ve always done even when what you’ve been doing is detrimental to your health, finances and overall well-being.

Change is hard but it’s necessary. Anything that isn’t continuously moving and growing is dying. Life can’t be sustained in stagnant water. Stay holed up in your house long enough without moving and watch how many years you’ll take off your life expectancy. Ok maybe those things are obvious but how do we make the hard decision to actually change our lives. How do we go from being pack a day smokers to healthy living? How do we go from being misogynistic philanderers to a guy a woman would want to take home to her parents? How do we go from being jerks, assholes and douche bags (excuse the profanity, I mean French) to people the world can live with and so can we?

Step 1: You have to want to change
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.
-Ben Stein

First, it starts with wanting to change. It is my understanding that many of us think that we are fine just the way we are. Eh…I agree and I disagree. I believe there are things about us that we and everyone around us should learn to live with; our race, ethnicity, that birthmark on your left butt cheek that looks like Russia. However, there are things you probably should change: vulgarity, foot odor, your drug habit, anger management and your addiction to sexually explicit materials (porn). We have to identify those things that need to be changed and then want to change them.

Step 2: Put in the work
“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.”
-Horace Mann

The second thing we have to do to make the necessary changes in our lives is work at it. John Wooden once said that, “nothing will work unless you do.” If you want to make changes in your life you have to work at it. Wanting to change is the first step, but it’s not the only step. Some experts say that correcting a bad habit like biting your nails, picking your nose or some other filthy habit you have, takes at least 21 days of not doing that particular thing. For other behaviors such as drug/alcohol use or smoking, may take longer. Many say that even after you clear the initial hurdle of no longer craving these things on a daily basis that it is a continuous struggle to fight against the desire to use again.

The same can be said about changing negative behavior that won’t result in jail time or death. In order to stop being a cheater, you have to actually work on it. If you’ve been a cheater your whole life, your natural reaction when you’re in a situation that mimics situations you’ve been in before is to do what you’ve always done; cheat. You must have a constant awareness of the situations you put yourself in and work consistently towards changing.

Step 3: Push Through the Pain
"Greatness lies in overcoming obstacles."
-Unknown

The third step in making the changes we need to make in our lives is perseverance. Aristotle, wrote, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” We have to keep at it. In the face of adversity, obstacles, hindrances, setbacks and relapses we have to push forward. Again this won’t be easy. Just ask the 15 year old who still sucks their thumb, or the 8 year old that still sleeps with a night light, or the 10 year old that still wets the bed. Dale Carnegie implored us to “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” Often times, it’s only after we’ve fallen and gotten back up that we know how to stay on our feet. We may have to fall many times before we eventually find the secret to staying up. Inevitably we must push through the pain, the hurt, the self-doubt, through the darkness, through the valley and over the mountain until we reach our goal.

Step 4: Keep the Faith
"Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than us to do it."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The quest to be a better person is a journey, not a destination. There is no finish line, no trophy, no scantily clad women and a team of supporters waiting to douse you in your alcoholic beverage of choice to signal the end of your race. Nope. Sorry. Every day that we’re alive, we should strive to be better than we were the day before. Imagine if you just settled for being who you were at your high school graduation, or after you were able to get that pretty girl’s phone number, or who you were when you landed that great job. What would life be if you just stopped trying after that? Perpetual sadness. It’s ok to look back on your accomplishments with fond memories and pat yourself on the back from time to time. However, a fixation on the past will prevent you from the enjoying the present and preparing for the future.

Change is a process. A long, arduous, painful, minefield laden, joyful, rewarding process. You may not see the fruits of your labor right away, but I promise you that if you keep the faith, stay the course and focus on the journey and not the destination that you’ll be better in the end. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Failure Is Not An Option

“Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.”
-Barack Obama

Greetings folks. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "it's not Wednesday what's the deal." You're probably also thinking, "twice in one week (or month)." Yeah, yeah, yeah. As summer is upon us I've vowed to do better by my blog. Additionally, due to recent events I was moved to write a post that couldn't wait to the regularly scheduled posting time. As a result here it is.

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, disappointments and failures. More than I would like. And truth be told, I feel like I should never experience it. I feel like I’m too smart, too talented, too ambitious to fail. Call me cocky, conceited or arrogant but it’s how I feel. Yet and still I know that it is inevitable. Losing sucks, hurts and burns in the worst way. It feels like losing your girlfriend, finding out that your dog died and that you lost your job all at the same time. But losing or falling short is a necessary part of life. Where it not for all the second place medals, I wouldn’t appreciate the first place medals. Where it not for all the women who came and went in my life, I wouldn’t know what not to do with the next one. Were it not for all the times I came close but failed miserably, I wouldn’t know what to do to get over the top.

Losing sucks. However, it is an inevitable part of life; like death and taxes. You can run but you can’t hide. Just ask any celebrity and Wesley Snipes. As I sit here wallowing in yet another loss, I’m angry. I’m disappointed. I feel slighted. I feel lost. I feel marginalized. My whole life I’ve been taught about the importance of winning, success and being on top. Very little of my life’s lessons have come about losing, appreciating it and learning from it, until now. I’ve lost a lot; love, loved ones and opportunities. And while at the moment, the initial pain of those experiences burned hotter than a bonfire, eventually I appreciated it. Losing that girlfriend taught me lessons I would have never learned with her. Losing those special people in my life taught me that I can’t depend on people to be around forever and to appreciate people while they’re here. Losing out on certain opportunities taught me that nothing is promised, and that even when the wheels come off we have to find a way to keep it moving.

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.” -Anonymous

Inevitably we’ll all lose before it’s all said and done: a pick-up basketball game, a family member, a job. Life is full of disappointments and losses. But life isn’t about the obstacles, the hurdles and the adversity. Life is about how we react to those things. Are you strong enough to still jump the hurdle when your legs are sore? Are you strong enough to run through the brick wall that emerges in your path? Are you strong enough to pick yourself and continue to fight on when someone you thought you could never live without is no longer with you?

If there is one thing I hate as much, if not more, than losing it’s quitting. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, some not so flattering, but never a quitter. Quitting signifies that you’ve been beat and that you admit that you can never win. Quitting means that you’ve thrown in the towel and have laid down for your opponent. Quitting means that you aren’t strong enough to continue and that instead of fighting it out to the end to see who wins, you’d rather concede. Quitting means that you’ve abandoned all hope of a favorable outcome. I hate quitters.

My disdain for the word quit precludes me from even acknowledging it in my dictionary. My displeasure with the very idea or notion of not seeing something to the end irritates my bowels. My hatred for all things involving the idea or practice of quitting enrages me like nothing else. This is part of the reason why I continue on. This is part of the reason why I haven’t and won’t give up. This is part of the reason why I persevere. I can’t quit.

“There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” -Malcolm X

I am keenly aware that all of my failures, shortcomings and losses have made me a better man. What kind of person would I be if I won all the time? What kind of champion would Michael Jordan be if he never got cut from his high school basketball team? What kind of champion would Lebron James be if he never lost his first 2 NBA Finals? What kind of motivational speaker would Les Brown be if he had never been doubted?

Adversity builds character and teaches lessons winning and no teacher, professor or graduate student can. Instead of running away from it, I choose to run towards it. I choose to embrace it. I choose to stand tall, look adversity in the face, and learn the lessons it wishes to teach me. I don’t always do it with a smile. I don’t always do it willingly. I don’t always do it immediately. But I do it.

While at this moment, I’m less than pleased, I’ll take it. At this moment I feel slighted, I’ll take it. At this moment I feel down-trodden, I’ll take it. I’ll take it because I know that greatness lies in overcoming obstacles. I’ll take it because I know “trouble won’t last always” and “that this too will pass.” I’ll take it because I know the tears, the heartache, pain and sacrifice will eventually amount to joy, exuberance and happiness. I’ll take it because I know that losing now, if I learn the lessons from it that I should, will turn into wins later. I’ll take it because I know that I can’t lose “for even in defeat, there’s a valuable lesson learned, so it evens it up for me.” -Jay-Z “Blueprint 2”

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Follow Your Dreams

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

-Harriet Tubman

Greetings family. There has been a lot going on since the last time I posted, however, today’s post isn’t about filling you in with updates. Today’s post is specifically centered on informing you about a wonderful opportunity I had. On 6/12/12 I had the opportunity to speak to a group of youth and young adults about “Following Your Dreams.” I was asked by City of Miami Commissioner Barbara Jordan to be a guest speaker. When I’m not teaching, giving legal aide or any of the million and one other things that I do, I really enjoy speaking to young people. This opportunity was both an honor and a pleasure. So I’ve included a redacted version of my speech. It was 30 mins long and I thought it would be much better if I shaved it down for you. You’re welcome. Enjoy.

Step 1 of this plan is to Believe in Yourself.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

-Mary Williamson “A Return to Love”

Every great feat in life starts out with a dream. A dream that you can dunk a basketball by jumping from the free throw line. A dream that one day we’ll put a man on the moon. A dream that one day we’ll have an African-American president. The dream serves as the vision, the starting point, the catalyst to get what we want. It’s the gas the engine needs to work. It’s the steam, the locomotive needs to move. It’s the sunlight and water plants need to grow.

You can’t rely on other people to improve your self-esteem. It’s impossible. It’s called self-esteem; esteem of one’s self. The only person in control of it is you, so if you don’t believe in you, no one else will.

Step 2: Make a Plan

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.-Ben Stein

How many of us have ever been on a road trip? When you went on this trip where did you go? How did you get there? What did you do before you left? Before you hit the road you had to first decide where you were going and how you would get there. You had to figure out your final destination and the best route to get you there. With everything in life we must have a plan. If we fail to plan, then we plan to fail. In order to follow your dreams there must be a plan.

Step 3 is to Just Do It!

Just Do It!-Nike

The iconic phrase “Just Do It” is captivating for a number of reasons. First of all, the athletes who’ve stood behind this logo, Michael Jordan, Lebron James and Tiger Woods, just to name a few, are some of the best in the world. Look past the iconic sports heroes and the multi-million dollar ad campaigns and you’ll see more. You’ll see a decree; a declaration to just do it. This slogan tells us that if the athletes in the commercial can do it so can we. They didn’t do it with fancy equipment, technology, or magic. They did it by working harder than anyone else and longer than anyone else, to become better than everyone else.

Don’t ever think that you’re too young to make a difference. Don’t ever think that you’re too young to effect change. It was the young, the minority, the disenfranchised that elected Barack Obama, the nation’s first black president. They said it couldn’t be done, he’s too young. They said it wouldn’t be done, he’s too black. They said it wouldn’t be done, he’s not rich enough. Mr. Obama politely responded, “Yes We Can.”  It was the youth and young adults who hit the streets, the highways and byways telling the country about a man named Barack Hussein Obama, a man who would be the Change we needed. It was the youth and young adults who helped him raise the millions of dollars that they said he couldn’t raise. It was the youth and young adults who helped make history and it will be you who he’ll count on to help make history once again in 2012.

I think that part of the reason why the youth and young adults of this nation don’t do more is because we are scared. We’re scared of being told no, scared of the uncertainty, scared of failure. It isn’t because we’re selfish or inconsiderate, it isn’t because we can’t help, it’s because we’re afraid of what awaits us on the other side. Bill Cosby once said that “In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
          We should adopt Drake’s motto to live life to the fullest, because “You only live once that’s the motto [ ] Y.O.L.O.” Take note young people that the concept of Y.O.L.O. isn’t to go smoke, drink, and live life recklessly. It’s to go out and do something with your life that matters. We have to get up from in front of the Xbox and the PS3 and make a change. We have to take our iPods out of our ears, or at least turn the volume down, and make a change. We need to be the change we want to see in the world, because if we wait around for someone else to do it we may be waiting forever. We have to Just Do It!

Step 4: Push Through the Pain

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Before a car leaves the manufacturer it is put through rigorous tests and challenges so that it is prepared to handle the day-to-day needs of the average driver. The vehicle is tested by being put in extreme situations it’s unlikely to experience in the real world by the average driver. However, the manufacturer knows that if it can handle these extreme tests, it can handle anything.

Life is a constant test. In order to make it to the next big thing you have to pass the big thing in front of you. By no stretch of the imagination is being 16 easy, but it’s at least bearable because of the 15 years of life you experienced before you turned 16. As much as I enjoyed my experience in law school, law school sucked. Everything that I am, everything that I’ve accomplished has been born out of strife. When I think about it, my moments of greatness have come when my world was at its darkest and my light its dimmest.

Greatness lies in overcoming obstacles. Like Michael Jordan, Barack Obama, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, I realized that were it not for those tough times, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

Step 5: Give Back

The bible says “to whom much is given, much is required.” Does anyone know what that means? It means those of us who have been blessed with much should give more than those who have been blessed with little. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are two of the richest people in the world. They’ve donated millions of dollars to education, research and charities and will donate even more when they die.

For those of us who may not be millionaires and billionaires before we die, there are other ways to give back. You can give back like Commissioner Jordan by becoming a civil servant. I’m sure Commissioner Jordan and her staff will be the first to tell you that the pay isn’t great, the benefits aren’t either, but that her reward comes from helping people. You can give back by giving of your time and your talent.

I’m so very thankful about my experiences in this community. For a community that didn’t have much to offer, it gave me everything that it had. Because of this experience I give back every chance I get. My reward is the smile on people’s faces when I’m helping feed the homeless, spending time with needy kids, or motivating young people like you to follow their dreams.

Follow Your Dreams

We’re faced with a struggling economy, bleak job prospects and turmoil all over the world. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines, shake our heads and believe all hope is lost. However, instead of looking at this as the time to give up and retreat, we should look at this as an opportunity to stand tall, hit the winning shot and show what we’re truly made of. You can’t win the game if you never get off the bench and into the game.

Despite the grim outlook we have to hold our heads up and P.U.S.H. When everything seems to go wrong, just PUSH. When school or work gets you down, just PUSH. When your money looks funny and the bills are due, just PUSH. Young people, PUSH stands for Pray Until Something Happens. 

I know that times are hard and the rent is due but we must P.U.S.H. We have an excellent opportunity to be successful by standing on the shoulders of the giants that came before us to become trailblazers, pioneers and productive citizens in the community. What will you do with your opportunity? My hope and my prayer is that you’ll continue to P.U.S.H. and Follow Your Dreams!