Bye Baby

“Bye baby, I guess you know why I walked away.”
-Nas “Bye Baby”

Greetings folks! Every week I begin my post with my customary greeting. What if I skipped it and just got right into my post? What if we met on the street and I decided not to acknowledge your presence? Would you be upset? If so, would your anger be a result of you being hung up on greetings? Is it because it’s proper etiquette to say “hello” and “goodbye” or is it something else?

When a loved one passes away it’s tough. No matter what the circumstances may have been it’s tough to process. You’ve just lost a friend, a family member and in some ways a part of you, which will never be replaced. It’s even tougher when you don’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. I was watching the season finale of “Suits” (which is a great show by the way) and one of the main characters, Mike Ross, lost his grandmother. Given her age and health her death didn’t come as much of a surprise. Mike, however, took it very hard. Among other things, Mike was upset that he never got a chance to say goodbye to his grandmother. But why? Why do we need to, want to, expect to be able to say goodbye before someone passes on to the great beyond? Why do we feel like the circle of life isn’t complete unless and until we’re able to bid one last farewell?

Well it could be that goodbye means the end. It signals permanence. It’s much different than “see you tomorrow” or “catch you soon.” No, goodbye means if I don’t see you for a while at least I was able to say goodbye. However, perhaps we should be more concerned with what goes on between the greetings than the greetings themselves. We should be more focused on what we do with the time, the moments and the opportunities between “hello” and “goodbye” than the actual greetings themselves.

Yes, we feel better when people speak when they enter and exit a room. Yes we feel better when our significant other kisses us on the way out the door to work. Yes there is a sense of completeness when we get a handshake, a high-five or a hug after we’ve finished having dinner with a friend. But what if it doesn’t happen? Does it belittle all of the moments that came before it? Does it erase all of the memories that were made before that neglected closing? No it doesn’t. When our friends, loved ones, or co-workers are dead and gone what we’ll carry with us won’t be the “hello’s” and the “goodbyes” unless the greetings were done with fireworks and cheerleaders. What we’ll carry with us will be all of the moments, good, bad and indifferent, that occurred in between.

As last school year began to close there was a lot of uncertainty as to whether I would return to my post. My attempts to gain clarity were thwarted at every turn and met with more uncertainty. What I didn’t want and what I couldn’t allow to happen was the school year to end without saying goodbye to my students. To me, leaving them without saying goodbye was the ultimate sign of disrespect. Despite how nonsensical it may have appeared to say “goodbye” without actually knowing that I wasn’t coming back, it was something I felt compelled to do. Saying goodbye gave me closure and allowed me to move forward.

As I prepare to leave Miami (again) I was fearful that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. I was scared that the people I love and care about the most wouldn’t get an opportunity for me to tell them how much I love them, how much I care about them and much I will miss them. I came to the realization that I’m going to forget about saying goodbye. I’m not going to worry about whether I’ll be able to shake hands with or hug every person that I care about here in South Florida. No, what I’m going to do is carry with me all of the memories with the people I’m leaving behind who I may not be able to say goodbye to and hope that this post will suffice.

Undoubtedly I’ll be back. High airline prices, TSA and a “no fly” rule couldn’t keep me from visiting. In the mean time, so long, farewell Auf wiedersehenm good night and goodbye South Florida and all of the wonderful friends, family, students, and co-workers I’m leaving behind. I love you, I’ll miss you, but I’ll always be a phone call, email, flight, tweet or Facebook message away. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Living A Lie

“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.”
-Lao Tzu

Greetings folks. Last week’s post (Death of a Superhero 8/15/12) was one of my most personal to date. I don’t recall being that transparent with you since my earlier posts. I’ve also realized that it’s one of my darker posts. It’s where I was at the time, how I felt and I won’t apologize for my feelings. “There mine and you’ll never get a hold of them.” ($5 to the person who can tell me what song this references).

As I begin to write the lead-in to last week’s post I saw that it was too long. I saw that what I had actually written was the beginning of another post—this one, which is a follow-up to last week’s post. I don’t typically (ever) write posts in series format, but I do write what comes to me and this is it.

There comes a time when we all have to embrace the truth we never knew existed. For some that may be the true story about an absent parent, for others it may be the existence of Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. For me it was the death of my alter ego Superman. Think back to that time when you first found out that despite the stories your family told you that your dad isn’t Satan incarnate. Remember when you first found out that Santa Claus was really some fat guy who took pictures in the mall? Think back to that moment when you saw Spongebob take his head off at that birthday party and you realized that he really doesn’t live in a pineapple under the sea. Hell, he isn’t even a real sponge! Those were hard pills to swallow weren’t they? But why?

Coming face to face with a false reality is like Neo finding out about the Matrix. It’s tough because no one likes being lied to, no one enjoys not knowing and because we realized that we’ve been living in the dark. Yet, knowing this, it’s hard to release that false reality. Live in the dark long enough and your eyes adjust making it difficult for you to handle sunlight. We’ve lived in the false reality so long that we’ve grown comfortable living there and the lie we govern our life by is gospel. However, like Neo, when confronted with the existence of the Matrix we have a choice. We can take the red pill and continue to be rats trapped in a maze, content with our daily existence. Or we can take the blue pill and challenge and confront everything that we’ve been taught.

Realizing that I’m not a superhero has been a tough adjustment. I’ve been told my whole life that I’m special, that I’m different and better than most, which was reinforced by the awards, the accolades, accomplishments and my ego. I wasn’t human. I was superhuman. To wake up one day and realize that you aren’t invincible, that you aren’t the fastest guy on the planet, that you aren’t the smartest person in the room, that you aren’t perfect when you’ve been taught these things as gospel is a frightening discovery.

Initially I did what most people do, I denied it. I hid from it. I continued to put on my cape and tights and go about trying to save the world not realizing that every time I left the house and took on more than I should without a vest, superhuman strength, or invincibility I was endangering my life. Carrying the burdens of others was beginning to hurt so much because I’m not a superhero and as bad I want to be one, I’m not.

Many of us lie to ourselves on a daily basis. Some of your lies may not be as bad as mine some may be worse. Some of you tell yourself everyday that you’re perfectly healthy and you’re morbidly obese, suffering from hypertension and diabetes. Some of you tell yourself that you’re God’s gift to mankind when inside you’re as black as midnight. Some of you tell yourself that you’re going to heaven when you haven’t been to church since Mother’s Day, said a prayer since breakfast or opened your bible since you were looking for the money you stuffed in it.

I’m not judging or condemning you, I have problems of my own to deal with. I’m encouraging you to stop living the lie. The lie we live makes it hard to see, hard to breathe, hard to live. When you aren’t comfortable with you, in your own skin, in your own shoes, how can anyone else be? How can you ever truly be happy? The lies are a barrier to success, to true love and happiness. Level with yourself. Confront your lies and your demons. Deal with them and move forward.

In closing I leave you with this, Mahatma Gandhi once said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” If you’re living a lie what does that make you and what does that say about your life? Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

The Death of Superman

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Greetings folks! Times are hard and the rent is due even for The Diplomat. The past few months of my life have been a whirlwind of an experience both professionally and personally. I detailed some of the professional issues (I Did It My Way 7/19/12) I’ve encountered as of yet, but it only tells part of the story. I try to keep my private life in the dark from you, rarely mentioning the names of some of the people I reference in these posts. I’ve always prided myself on being able to rise above my circumstances and stand tall despite the chaos and controversy that surrounds me. However, admittedly that has been difficult as of late. My cape is tattered, there are chinks in my armor and I can’t fly anymore. I’m hungry, I’m tired and not sure if I can play superhero anymore. I think this superhero might be dead.

Sitting up high on my perch writing my morning messages and my weekly blog posts is growing more and more difficult. It’s hard to advise, guide and inspire others to do more when you’re battling your own demons. It’s tough to console others during their tough moments when you yourself are in mourning.

This most recent leg of the journey that I’m currently on has been challenging, heart wrenching and at times has knocked me down. It’s one thing to fight a battle at work, at home, with family, or with love. It’s damn near death defying to do all at the same time. Combine that with a bout with a virus that put me down for over a week and you have beleaguered ex-superhero searching for answers he has yet to find.

I’ve always been a man of faith. Anyone who knows me, or reads a couple of posts can figure that out. But what do the faithful do when their faith is challenged? What do the strong do when they feel weak? What do the superheroes do once they’ve lost their power? These are the questions I’ve been seeking to answer as of late because frankly I’ve been at a lost.

I’ve enjoyed success at nearly everything that I’ve ever done. I’ve always been the best, one of the brightest and supremely confident that everything would work out because it always has. Yet given my recent circumstances it’s not so easy to strap on that confidence anymore. It’s tough to put on that mask and head out into the world as if everything is alright. They say the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. It would take me all day and several posts to list all of the problems that I have so I’ll just start with one. I’m coming to grips with my humanness. I’m beginning to realize that I’m not really Superman, that I can’t fly, that I’m not faster than a locomotive, and that I don’t have x-ray vision. That realization leads to questions about what to do with my cape, my tights and that “S” on my chest. What will my day be like now? How do I go on? What’s next? What do I tell the people?

I’ve been so much to my family, friends, co-workers, students and strangers. For so long I’ve felt like their dependence on me was liken to a relationship an addict has with their dealer. As of late I’ve found just how addicted I am to the relationship and have acknowledge the co-dependence. The desire to be wanted, appreciated, desired, needed is a high I get like a coke fiend gets from his hit. I’ve realized that as broad as my shoulders are they aren’t broad enough. As strong as my back is, it’s not strong enough. As confident and secure as I’ve been my entire life…I’m not sure it’s there anymore. I want to keep the faith but honestly it’s hard. It’s like watching the building burn down around you and staying positive you’re going to make it out alive. It’s not impossible, just incredibly difficult.

I don’t know. I’d like to continue the good fight, sojourn on but I’ve lost sight of what comes next so making that next step isn’t so easy anymore. I guess I’ve sort of loss my way and I’m desperately trying to find it. I’m trying to muster up the strength, the courage, the faith to take that next step despite the fact I can’t see the stairs.

I’m encouraged by the sunrise this morning and the sunset this evening. Encouraged that so long as those two occurrences happen every day I have a chance to be good, to be better, to be great. I’m unsure of where this road I’m travelling now leads me. I don’t know who I’ll meet along the way and who will be traveling alongside me. I have no idea what awaits me at the end of this journey and I’m slightly excited. What once used to be a fear of the unknown has now been supplanted with a childlike curiosity and fervor as to what happens next. I can’t see the whole stairway. I can barely see the first step, but I have faith it’s going to work out.

Here goes nothing…

Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Make That Change

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
-Andy Warhol

Greeting folks! We often talk about “turning the page” or “moving on to the next one” rarely realizing the difficulty in actually putting this plan into action. Think about it. How long it did it take you to break up with the ex you KNEW was no good? How long did it take you to leave that job you knew was raising your blood pressure and may have led you to a murderous rampage at your office? How long did it take you to move out of that apartment you knew was going to give you asbestos from the mold? It’s easy to talk about it but much harder to be about it. It’s easier to complain and wallow in our pit of self-pity and shame than it is to actually make a plan and then get out.

I can definitely attest to the difficulty of saying you’re going to move on and then actually moving on. For months I talked about leaving my last job. For months I discussed the difficulties of doing my job under the constraints that were present. For months I said I couldn’t take it anymore but I still stayed. Then came a point when I realized that I had to practice what I preached. I realized that I couldn’t advocate people getting out of a bad situation and finding a better one if I wasn’t doing the same thing in my life. Then I made the decision to move on.

A lot of times there is a large amount of guilt associated with the decision to leave. We may not want to leave that ex because of all the good times that we had, or how they were there for us when we needed them most, so we want to be there for them through these tough times. Or we don’t want to leave our job because no job is perfect and we like our co-workers too much. No job or relationship is perfect. However, if you’re in a relationship where you’re no longer happy and you’ve tried to rectify the situation and it doesn’t work, it’s time to move on. If your job does not bring you fulfillment and you have to drag yourself out of bed every day to get there, then you need to make a plan to find other employment. Don’t just up and leave unless you’re independently wealthy. Don’t let guilt or memories hold you in a bad situation.

No one deserves to wake up every day next to someone who doesn’t make them happy. No one deserves to spend 8 hours or more at a job that does nothing more than bring a paycheck, headaches and stress. Don’t feel guilty about your decision to move on. Once you’ve analyzed it and made the decision, feel confident that you’ve made the right decision.

Moving forward is a part of life. If we were who were 10 years ago we wouldn’t be able to enjoy our life now. We wouldn’t be prepared to. As I’ve said before, anything that isn’t growing is dying. If you aren’t growing in your relationship, at your job or in any other thing in your life, you need to assess the situation and fix it. And if that means moving on, be prepared to do so. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!