Y.O.L.O.!

“You only live once that’s the motto [ ] Y.O.L.O.”

-Drake “The Motto”

Greetings folks! Welcome to another edition of “Black Man Speaks.” I’m your host, The Black Man. LOL. I kid, I kid. How cool would it be if I actually hosted a television or radio show? I think it would be fan-freaking-tastic. I’m going to add that to my “to do” list. But I digress.

Whether we’ve wanted to or not we’ve all heard “The Motto.” It could be due to the fact that it’s played 878 times a day on the radio. It could be because some rapper or another yelled it out during some inappropriate time at an awards show or church service. It very well could be the result of a caption you read on one of your friend’s or follower’s pictures of them enjoying massive amounts of overpriced liquor at a club or doing something extremely stupid that may later lead to their indictment. I like the motto; the slogan that is. However, I feel like it’s been misinterpreted, misconstrued, misused and overused, which in turn has devalued the term.

Contrary to popular belief, the concept of Y.O.L.O. isn’t a license to smoke, drink and live life recklessly. It’s not an excuse to do something you would otherwise regret but because you yell “Y.O.L.O.” afterwards excuses your behavior. No. The concept of Y.O.L.O. is a license to chase your dreams, pursuit your goals and enjoy life because we only have one life to live.

Success requires patience, hard work and perseverance to weather the storm and pass the test. Y.O.L.O. says forget waiting my turn, screw the weather and I don’t care about the test and says “it’s my money and I need it now.” You need it now to buy these bottles, to cop this new outfit, get the new iPhone and play make-believe as you pretend you got it when you really don’t. Brian Tracy said, “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking ‘What’s in it for me?’’ Y.O.L.O. people are the unsuccessful people Mr. Tracy referenced. They’re unsure of what the definition of success means and interpret it as an accumulation of stuff and good times. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things in life. There is no problem with enjoying yourself. The problem comes when that is your sole purpose in life and you’ve lost focused on bettering yourself and those around you.

Albert Pike stated, “What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” Eventually the bottles will empty, the clothes will become outdated and worn and your phone will stop working. Then what will you have to show for it? What will you have leftover?

We have to get up from in front of the Xbox and the PS3 and make a change. We have to take our iPods out of our ears, or at least turn the volume down, and make a change. We need to be the change we want to see in the world, because if we wait around for someone else to do it we may be waiting forever. We have to understand that the true meaning of Y.O.L.O. is to do everything you possibly can to help yourself and others. It means that you go all out to be successful, enjoy the ride as much as humanly possible and give a hand up whenever you can. It means don’t live life recklessly because you only live once, “Y.O.L.O.!” Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

Hold On

“Hold on…it’s going to get better!”

-Rev. Marvin C. Lue, Jr.-Pastor of Trinity C.M.E. Church (Miami, FL)

Greetings folks! Every Wednesday my friend and pastor of my childhood church, Rev. Marvin Lue, Jr. sends out an inspirational message called “Winsday’s Word.” They’re inspirational messages intended to help get you over the hump and to the end of the week. I’ve been receiving these messages for quite some time now and it’s one of the few texts I receive that I automatically stop what I’m doing to read. Most times his messages span several texts. His most recent text only took one and it read, “Hold on…it’s going to get better!”

If you listen to any news channel all you hear is doom and gloom. If it’s not the economy, it’s foreign affairs. If it’s not foreign affairs it’s an attack on women. If it’s not an attack on women, it’s an attack on the middle class. We look around and we see the numbers. We see the price of gas and groceries ballooning while some of us see our bank accounts and paychecks shrinking. And we’re scared. We’re scared that things won’t get better. We’re scared that things won’t change. We’re scared that we’ll be stuck in a rut with no place to go but down. But in the words of Rev. Lue, “Hold on…it’s going to get better!”

Last week I wrote about living life “Inside-Out” by not allowing what happens to us to get inside us (Inside Out, 10/17/12). We cannot control external factors but we can control how we respond to them. The reaction that we exhibit to external influences begins internally. It begins by deciding who we are and what we want. When you make up your mind about who you are no one can change that because there is power in identity.

The common misconception is that we must discover who we are and that this will be effectuated through college, trips abroad and adversity. Education, world travel and conflict add depth and complexity to the canvass of our lives. They reveal pieces of the puzzle, but they do not solve the puzzle entirely. You don’t discover who you are, you decide who you are.

Decide that you want to be an attorney and discover what type based on your preferences. Decide that you want to be a teacher and discover what subject area based on your strengths. Decide that you want to go to college and decide where based on your finances, desired major and whether or not it’s close enough for your parents to send food, yet far enough away to discourage unannounced and impromptu visits.

If you decide that you want to be a leader, strong, successful, a difference-maker or independent you must decide to “hold on.” Every leader has dealt with conflict. Every successful person has encountered adversity. Every difference maker has had their share of trials and tribulations. One of the things all of these people have in common is that they have all held on to overcome them.

Decide who you are, what you want and where you want to go. Then resolve to “Hold On” in the face of adversity, hardships and strife and I promise you it will get better. Until next time, Stay Up and Stay Blessed!

Inside Out

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Greetings folks! Sometimes life sucks. Not all the time. Just sometimes. Sometimes, the things that happen to us during the course of a 24 hour period cannot be explained with words that are more than 4 letters. Sometimes, life can be so unbearable, so unrelenting, and so confusing that there are no words in your vocabulary to adequately articulate your thoughts. Welcome to Life!

In this journey through life it’s not a question of if you’ll encounter setbacks and roadblocks, but rather when will they come and how many will there be. Any person who tells you that they’ve never had a bad day is a liar and the truth isn’t in ‘em. Even Jesus had bad days (see Jesus flipping tables and the day He got nailed to a tree). Yet, even He managed to stay positive.

In my post last week, ("The One” 10/10/12) I talked about the inevitability of unfortunate events in our lives and the need to stay positive in the midst of madness. With this acceptance comes the mindset not to allow what happens to us to get inside us. Once we understand that we can’t control the weather, the traffic, or the stupid things people sometimes say, we’re able to deal. Until we’re able to accept the certainty of adversity, we’ll never be equipped or ready to live life to the fullest.

My high school football coach, Coach Walt Frazier, always used to say, “Opportunity favors the prepared.” You can be given the opportunity to start, score a touchdown or lead your team to victory, but if you aren’t prepared then that opportunity is wasted. In sports, you prepare by training, studying and practicing so that when the game comes it’s just another rep. In life, you prepare much the same way except you probably don’t need an angry man/woman yelling so close to your ear that you’re sure you may suffer some hearing loss.

Inexorably, during our lives, we will experience death, illness, heartache and pain. Undoubtedly, we will experience these emotions many times over before it’s all said and done. But, we can’t allow the negativity that accompanies these unfortunate events to permeate our core. We can’t allow what happens to us to get inside us.

Take, for example, the person who has experienced heartache a time or ten. This person has two choices: 1. Cry a river, build a bridge and get over or it; or 2. Swear off dating and become a “Love Hater.” The former understands that while it’s unfortunate that they had their heart broken, one door closing leaves room for another door to be open where they may find love and happiness with someone else. However, the latter may never find love again because they walk around blind-folded, believing that walking in the dark, unaware of their surroundings, is better than walking with full sight if it means they avoid the risk of feeling the pain and agony of heart break again. What the “Love Hater” fails to realize is that Alfred Lord Tennyson may have been on to something when he said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

There are plusses and minuses for every situation. Take for instance, the person who has had a bird defecate on their head. For them, locking themselves in the house and never going out is a good way to avoid ever being pooped on again. However, while it solves one problem it brings about the problem of never being able to feel the sun’s warmth on your skin again, never being able to have a snowball fight and the eventuality of growing an unkempt beard and being labeled a weirdo.

I’m a firm believer in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ statement that “There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.” The adversity we have encountered has given us character. The setbacks we have survived have made us experienced. And the hangovers we have suffered have taught us our limits. So, next time you get down, remember that everything happens for a reason. Don’t let what happens to you get inside you. Instead, let what’s inside you dictate your outcome and live life “Inside Out.” Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!

The One

The storm is on the horizon

I’m standing here alone

Got a pistol on my hip

And it's gon' be some sh*t

If you want it then bring it on

See I'm a motherfu**in' soldier

And I’mma be here till it’s done

And when they asking who I'm is, sh*t

You just tell them that I’m the one.

-Kanye West ft. 2 Chainz, Big Sean & Marsha Ambrosius “The One”

Greetings folks! It’s been two weeks since my last post and boy am I glad to be back. My two week hiatus was spent moving, packing, unpacking, cleaning and praying that it’ll be all over soon. Well it’s over now. Not really. I’ve just cleared a path through the boxes to my desk so that I can sit down and write this post. But you have got to know that the separation was killing me.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I have noticed that inspiration is everywhere. It’s not relegated to sermons, motivational speeches and Oprah quotes. You can find inspiration in a conversation with a friend, from a television show or movie, or in a song. The inspiration for today’s post comes from Kanye West’s song, “The One.” I was on the treadmill running when the song came on and it spoke to me and said, “Stay confident.”

At some point or another we all get down on ourselves. Whether it’s because of a bad grade, love troubles, or money lost betting on the Seahawks vs. Packers game, it happens. It’s inevitable. It’s ok to be down sometimes. It’s a reminder that we aren’t perfect and that we still have work to do in our continual quest to grow and be better than we once were. However, the key is not to stay down because there is no way we can ever reach the top if we are lying down on our backs.

Lately, it’s been a struggle maintaining the happiness needed to live life abundantly. Let me clarify. I haven’t thought about committing suicide, turning to drugs or alcohol, or doing harm to myself. What I mean is that in order to live a good life, most of our time must be spent enjoying it. No amount of money or material things will ever satisfy you if you aren’t happy with yourself. While “stuff” may make you happy for a period of time, that happiness is fleeting. The happiness material things bring us is temporal. You have to be happy with yourself and your life so that regardless of whether you live in a mansion or a 1 bedroom apartment, you live your life like it’s golden.

I’d be lying to you if I told you that things as of late have been going according to my master plan and there is a logical explanation for this. In my master plan, I never took into account adversity, hardships, or obstacles. And my master plan didn’t fit God’s. I know what you’re thinking, “you’re an idiot” and you’re entitled to your opinion. I didn’t take these things into account because they’ve never been issues for me.

By no means has my life been easy up to now. I’ve struggled. However, because I’ve rarely ever been one to doubt my ability to overcome any and everything, most of my trials in life appeared to be open book quizzes as opposed to year-end make or break exams. So in some respects, my success gave me a false sense of invincibility. It’s funny when I read it on the screen that my success helped make me unable to cope with the hardships, but it’s true.

To some degree, I understand what Tiger Woods feels like; minus the women, hundreds of millions of dollars and a golf game most people would kill for. I mean I understand how he feels to be so successful at nearly everything you do then all of sudden not so much. Except mine is on a smaller scale; a much smaller scale. In as much as he had to learn a new golf swing, adjust to a new caddy, process the divorce and live with not being with his children as much, Tiger had to adjust to not winning, which is a HUGE adjustment. In his long climb back towards the top, I believe he’s learning how to win again and as a byproduct, to be more appreciative of it.

I’ve learned a lot of things over the past few months and I’m still learning. I’m learning to be appreciative of every opportunity that comes across my desk and not to take anything for granted. I’m learning humility, perseverance, patience, to put more faith in God than I do in myself and a million and one ways to cook chicken. Initially, I lamented my situation and prayed for a quick resolution. However, I realize that there was no way else to learn these lessons except by this trial period I’m enduring. I welcome the pain, the adversity and the test because I know the only way to be successful tomorrow is to learn the hard lessons today.

One thing that keeps me going is remembering that “I’m the one.” I’m the leader, the attorney, the motivational speaker, the teacher, the brother, the friend, the servant and so long as I continue to believe in myself, when the darkness fades and the sun shines I can just say “bring it on.” So when you’re down, questioning your existence, your purpose and your calling, never lose sight of the fact that adversity builds character and that this moment will pass just like all the others. When the world knocks you down, and believe me it will, have the strength, the courage and conviction to get back up. When you get up and the people ask “who are you?” tell them that “you’re the one!”

Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!