But sometimes I wonder why
Why can’t you still be here with me?
Wish God would’ve waited a couple more years for you to see.
I’m trying to stay strong, barely holding on.
I know I’ll see you again but for right now rest in peace
And when I get to heave, first thing they’ll say to me
Tell me have you seen [Dorothy Washington]
Find out where you are, run into your arms
Wrap your wings around me and whisper in my ear
“Well done, well, well done my son, well done, well done, oh”
I wish you were here, you’d be so proud of your son
I wish you were here to celebrate with me.
I wish you were here.
-Jamie Foxx, “Wish You Were Here”
Greetings folks! For those of you who know me intimately you know I’m a pretty easy going guy when it comes to just about everything. The city can be burning down around me, women and children may be screaming like banshees, and I may be as broke as the day is long, but I’m still going to go about my business. My ability to handle adversity and stand tall in the midst of a hurricane isn’t like most’s and it took me a while to understand that. At one time, I felt like my way of dealing with life’s challenges and obstacles was normal and typical and that everyone should conform. However, over time I realized just how different I am.
When I made the decision to relocate back to South Florida it was in part because of the opportunity to touch the lives of young people, be closer to family, have a warmer climate but it was LARGELY due to the poor health my grandmother was in. I decided to move home, help my mother, who was taking care of my granny, and be there for my family. I knew when I came home on July 29th, 2010 what I was getting myself into and did it with no reservations.
On August 15th, my family and I were at my grandmother’s house cleaning when she began to experience some discomfort in her chest and some irregular breathing. That day we called EMT and they took her to the hospital. That next day when we went to visit her, the doctor told us that had she not been monitored the night before in the hospital that she would have passed away at home in her sleep. It was then that I got confirmation, that I made the right decision to come home.
The past week and a half has been tumultuous to say the least. My grandmother passed away on Wednesday, March 16th while I was away on vacation and I wasn’t due back until the following Sunday. When confronted with the decision to stay or go home and be with my family, I decided to stay. Most people, I believe, unequivocally would have decided to go home and weather the storm. I was in such a bad place mentally and physically before I left, due to the long hours and mental stress I had endured prior to my break, that I decided to stay and work it out. I concluded that I would be no good to anyone if I wasn’t able to gather myself. My mother encouraged me to stay rest and try to enjoy my vacation as much as possible, because there would be plenty of work for me to do when I got home.
Yet, and still, there is the fact that no matter how mentally tough I am, a key part of my life is no longer here. When I think about the instrumental people in my life, the people who helped turn a chubby little kid in Miami into the man you see today, my granny is right near the top of the list. I have never proclaimed to be self-made, but I have always felt as though with or without someone’s help I would get the job done. My granny is one of the few people I don’t feel like I could have made it without.
Granny didn’t do for me financially the way she did for some of her other grandchildren and I don’t remember any sleepovers as a kid, but she didn’t need to and she was there. She always encouraged me to do more, be better and reach higher. She always told me, “to whom much is given, much is required.” Granny said because I was smart and had abilities most don’t that I had to be better than most. So when the deaths of 4 friends and family members hit me the fall semester of my junior year of college, I cherished those words. When I struggled my first year of law school and questioned my ability to handle the task at hand, I remembered granny’s words, and when we buried three of her children in less than 2 years, I kept those words near and dear to my heart so that I could be strong for her and my mom in public while I dealt with my feelings behind closed doors.
I’ve never been an overly emotional individual and believe that I can I probably count on 1 hand how many times I’ve shed a tear outside being physically chastised as a child. But as I sit here and write this post in honor of my granny, with her so heavy on my heart, I can’t help but let the tears roll down my face. Granny and I talked about her coming to my graduations, my swearing in, wedding and me buying her a house. Granny made the graduation from FSU, despite the fact that her health had already began to deteriorate. However, her condition prevented her from attending anything else, a fact that still saddens me to this day, because I know how much it meant to her to see “one of hers” doing something positive.
My granny was strong, private, confident, stubborn, loving, caring, warm, giving and witty. She’d give you a dollar even if was her last and fix you a bowl of whatever was on the stove even if was all she had. There are a lot of things I inherited from her: good looks (LOL, her words not mine), strong will and determination, and there are a lot of things I learned from her: to praise God in spite of your circumstances, to thank Him for his blessings and to keep people out of your business. But there are many lessons I still have to learn that she’s no longer here to teach.
While I’m saddened by her absence I’m comforted by the fact that she is no longer in pain. She suffered quite a bit in her last remaining days and to see her go through that was gut-wrenching. Yet despite how painful it was to see a person I loved and cared about so very much go through that ordeal, I stood by her side because her desire to be surrounded by family was more important than my desire to not see her suffer. She was a fighter who fought more rounds than the doctors ever thought she would. But on Wednesday, March 16th at 2:20 a.m. God called the fight and said that she didn’t have to fight anymore.
Live everyday like it’s your last because one day it will be. Cherish the time that you have with your loved ones because they too one day will be gone. There are no promises in life and the only certainties are death and taxes. Pay your taxes and live your life to the fullest so that you can leave here with no regrets.
I would like to thank everyone for their condolences, cards, flowers, messages, texts, facebook messages, tweets, hugs, love, support, kind words, care and concern for my family and me during our time of bereavement. You have truly made this time a lot more bearable. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Paper Cuts Suck
No one likes being wronged; no one. It’s not something that just started yesterday or after we were able to drink (legally), it’s something that’s been a part of us since we were kids. Some of us handle it better than others but none of us like it. When my little brother used to hit me, no matter how much or how little it hurt, I always had to hit him back. Even today, when he playfully hits me, I have to hit him back. I can’t let him get away with one. It’s human nature to want to get to the last lick. The problem with this is when this overwhelming desire to “get the last lick” or “get even” consumes us, supersedes good judgment and reason, and overtakes us.
This attempt to get even doesn’t just apply to playful fighting among siblings. It also happens in our lives when people cross us. When your significant other cheats, or when your co-worker throws you under the bus, or when our friend/family member steals from you. We’re so enraged, so focused on the pain of what happened that we can’t see the forest for the trees or anything else for that matter.
Yes it hurts, but so do paper cuts. So treat them just like paper cuts. Curse under your breath, clean up the blood, put a band-aid on it and move on. Sitting there thinking about the paper cut, how much it hurts, how angry you are that you have it doesn’t make the pain or the cut go away so why dwell? You thinking and lamenting about it doesn’t hurt the paper, it only hurts you, because the time you could have spent focusing on the task at hand you’re channeling towards a paper cut.
When you work in an office and you handle thousands of sheets of paper over the course of a week or a month, paper cuts are inevitable perhaps unavoidable. When you deal with people, human beings, flawed creatures that we are, it’s inevitable that you’ll get hurt at some point or another. So what’s the solution? To avoid paper cuts, wear gloves to work, grease your hands with Vaseline, or just quit. To avoid dealing with people you’d have to quit your job, get a divorce/break up, ditch your kids, board up your house and never leave again. And you’d have to win Powerball to make all of this even somewhat possible. Since the chances of you becoming an instant millionaire are slim to none and you don’t want to be that weirdo at work with gloves and Vaseline, you have to deal.
Instead of dwelling on what was and what could have been, focus on where you are now, where you want to go and how to get there. Focus on how this happened and what you can do differently next time, short of something that will result in jail time or you becoming a recluse, to help avoid the next paper cut. Every bit of adversity that we encounter, every hurdle that we see, every wall that we face is a teaching moment. It’s an opportunity to grow and become better versions of ourselves than we were before the adversity occurred. At the end of the day we can never be Barack Obama, Dr. King or Beyonce’. We can strive to mimic their hustle, drive, and determination, but we will never be them. The only person we can be is who we are and since we’re stuck with ourselves we may as well be the best version of ourselves that we can be. The shiny, new HD, top of the line, fully loaded version of ourselves!
I’m working everyday towards getting there and so should you. In the mean time and in between time, try to stay away from the sharp corners of those documents. Stay Up and Stay Blessed.
This attempt to get even doesn’t just apply to playful fighting among siblings. It also happens in our lives when people cross us. When your significant other cheats, or when your co-worker throws you under the bus, or when our friend/family member steals from you. We’re so enraged, so focused on the pain of what happened that we can’t see the forest for the trees or anything else for that matter.
Yes it hurts, but so do paper cuts. So treat them just like paper cuts. Curse under your breath, clean up the blood, put a band-aid on it and move on. Sitting there thinking about the paper cut, how much it hurts, how angry you are that you have it doesn’t make the pain or the cut go away so why dwell? You thinking and lamenting about it doesn’t hurt the paper, it only hurts you, because the time you could have spent focusing on the task at hand you’re channeling towards a paper cut.
When you work in an office and you handle thousands of sheets of paper over the course of a week or a month, paper cuts are inevitable perhaps unavoidable. When you deal with people, human beings, flawed creatures that we are, it’s inevitable that you’ll get hurt at some point or another. So what’s the solution? To avoid paper cuts, wear gloves to work, grease your hands with Vaseline, or just quit. To avoid dealing with people you’d have to quit your job, get a divorce/break up, ditch your kids, board up your house and never leave again. And you’d have to win Powerball to make all of this even somewhat possible. Since the chances of you becoming an instant millionaire are slim to none and you don’t want to be that weirdo at work with gloves and Vaseline, you have to deal.
Instead of dwelling on what was and what could have been, focus on where you are now, where you want to go and how to get there. Focus on how this happened and what you can do differently next time, short of something that will result in jail time or you becoming a recluse, to help avoid the next paper cut. Every bit of adversity that we encounter, every hurdle that we see, every wall that we face is a teaching moment. It’s an opportunity to grow and become better versions of ourselves than we were before the adversity occurred. At the end of the day we can never be Barack Obama, Dr. King or Beyonce’. We can strive to mimic their hustle, drive, and determination, but we will never be them. The only person we can be is who we are and since we’re stuck with ourselves we may as well be the best version of ourselves that we can be. The shiny, new HD, top of the line, fully loaded version of ourselves!
I’m working everyday towards getting there and so should you. In the mean time and in between time, try to stay away from the sharp corners of those documents. Stay Up and Stay Blessed.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
“Don’t take it personal”
Many of us are way too sensitive to deal with life. We want to cry about this, moan and groan about that, and seek counseling for everything from a paper cut to not being able to figure what to wear to work. Grant it there are moments in life that necessitate a good cry, a shoulder to lean on, or the ear of a good listener; but not every moment is one of the moments. At some point, we have to listen to the criticism, warranted or unwarranted, process it and move on. People are going to feel some way about you no matter how great, terrible or in between you may be. It’s the nature of the beast that is humanity.
I was listening to a line from a song off of Eminem’s latest album Recovery. On one of the tracks he said he contemplated taking shots at Lil Wayne and Kanye West, not because they had said or done anything to him but because at the time they were “doing it” and he wasn’t. He was so angry about the direction his life had gone that he thought about targeting those individuals who had reached the modicum of success he once had. I implore you, if one of the Top 3 rappers of all time, in terms of album sales, can feel a need to take unwarranted shots at others, what would make you think Jim Nobody or Jane Everybody wouldn’t take shots at you? Again, it’s the nature of the beast that is humanity.
We want what we don’t need, lust for what we want, and covet our neighbor’s prosperity. Many of us are too unimaginative to think of what we want on our own, so we search the magazines, music videos, and our neighbor’s garage to figure it out. What it does is breed hate, envy and contempt and before you know it you’re spewing hate for no reason. You hate just for the sake of hating. You hate because you can, because you’re angry and don’t know what to do about it.
What we need to do is fall back from our jealous pursuits and focus on our own dreams, goals and aspirations. How can you ever win the race when you’re not running in your lane? It’s ok to watch, admire and compliment, but hating is totally and completely unnecessary. The energy that you direct towards that dead-end endeavor could be used towards making your first million, buying your first house, or taking that well-deserved and much needed vacation to Brazil.
People are going to say and do what they want and in most cases there isn’t much we can do about it. Sometimes it has something to do with who you are, what you’ve accomplished and where you’re going. Often times it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who is directing the hate’s inability to get over themselves, their problems and accept responsibility. “Don’t take it personal.”
Jay-Z used the hateful statements of a school teacher to fuel his dreams. In his album the Blueprint III on the song So Ambitious he states “I felt so inspired by what my teacher said, he said I’d either end up dead or a reefer head.” He later goes on to state how it was statements like those that fueled his dreams, fed his ambition and powered his dreams. Today he’s part
owner of an NBA team, married to one of the most talented and beautiful women in the worldand as of last year has an estimated net worth of $450 million. I would say he did alright.
I’m not encouraging you to become rap stars and hip-hop moguls. I’m challenging you to take the negative and turn it into a positive. When people tell you what you won’t do, show them what you will do. When others doubt your ability prove to them that their hate is an exercise in futility and that you can do anything you put your mind to. My mother taught me that no matter what you say or do, everyone is not going to like you. She says, “They killed Jesus and we’re not better than He was so why should we expect better treatment.”
In this dawn of social networking where everyone has a blog, twitter or facebook account, people feel more empowered more than ever to say what they want, when they want, and how they want. Unless they’re death threats or instances of cyber-bullying, the only thing we can do is suck it up, deal with it and “don’t take it personal.” Instead, use it as steam to power your dreams and as protein to strengthen our resolve to carry whatever burden we may have to carry. Until next time, Stay Up and Stay Blessed!
I was listening to a line from a song off of Eminem’s latest album Recovery. On one of the tracks he said he contemplated taking shots at Lil Wayne and Kanye West, not because they had said or done anything to him but because at the time they were “doing it” and he wasn’t. He was so angry about the direction his life had gone that he thought about targeting those individuals who had reached the modicum of success he once had. I implore you, if one of the Top 3 rappers of all time, in terms of album sales, can feel a need to take unwarranted shots at others, what would make you think Jim Nobody or Jane Everybody wouldn’t take shots at you? Again, it’s the nature of the beast that is humanity.
We want what we don’t need, lust for what we want, and covet our neighbor’s prosperity. Many of us are too unimaginative to think of what we want on our own, so we search the magazines, music videos, and our neighbor’s garage to figure it out. What it does is breed hate, envy and contempt and before you know it you’re spewing hate for no reason. You hate just for the sake of hating. You hate because you can, because you’re angry and don’t know what to do about it.
What we need to do is fall back from our jealous pursuits and focus on our own dreams, goals and aspirations. How can you ever win the race when you’re not running in your lane? It’s ok to watch, admire and compliment, but hating is totally and completely unnecessary. The energy that you direct towards that dead-end endeavor could be used towards making your first million, buying your first house, or taking that well-deserved and much needed vacation to Brazil.
People are going to say and do what they want and in most cases there isn’t much we can do about it. Sometimes it has something to do with who you are, what you’ve accomplished and where you’re going. Often times it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who is directing the hate’s inability to get over themselves, their problems and accept responsibility. “Don’t take it personal.”
Jay-Z used the hateful statements of a school teacher to fuel his dreams. In his album the Blueprint III on the song So Ambitious he states “I felt so inspired by what my teacher said, he said I’d either end up dead or a reefer head.” He later goes on to state how it was statements like those that fueled his dreams, fed his ambition and powered his dreams. Today he’s part
owner of an NBA team, married to one of the most talented and beautiful women in the worldand as of last year has an estimated net worth of $450 million. I would say he did alright.
I’m not encouraging you to become rap stars and hip-hop moguls. I’m challenging you to take the negative and turn it into a positive. When people tell you what you won’t do, show them what you will do. When others doubt your ability prove to them that their hate is an exercise in futility and that you can do anything you put your mind to. My mother taught me that no matter what you say or do, everyone is not going to like you. She says, “They killed Jesus and we’re not better than He was so why should we expect better treatment.”
In this dawn of social networking where everyone has a blog, twitter or facebook account, people feel more empowered more than ever to say what they want, when they want, and how they want. Unless they’re death threats or instances of cyber-bullying, the only thing we can do is suck it up, deal with it and “don’t take it personal.” Instead, use it as steam to power your dreams and as protein to strengthen our resolve to carry whatever burden we may have to carry. Until next time, Stay Up and Stay Blessed!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Now What?
“I once complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
-Unknown
As human beings we have the propensity to think the world should stop and drop because of our problems. We think that because things aren’t right in our lives that the world should stop and pay attention and accept our invitation to our pity party. The reality is, is that everyone else in the world is so consumed with their own problems that they can’t make it to our pity party and are going to regretfully decline. You can send it to them in a fancy invitation or a jazzy e-vite, it won’t make a difference. As such, more often than not, we are forced to deal with our problems on our own, or with whatever troubled soul we’ve been able to bribe, threaten or dupe into listening.
The reality is, is that the whole world has problems and everyone else is too busy dealing with the dung in their yard to come smell yours. To think that your mess is much more important than your neighbor’s and that they should drop EVERYTHING to listen to you moan and groan about how unfair life is—is selfish, self-centered and egotistical and you should probably go see a therapist about it. I learned a long time ago from my mom that the world doesn’t revolve around me. No matter how much I wanted the world to care that I placed 2nd in a talent competition most thought I should have placed 1st in, or that I couldn’t get the new Air Jordan’s I wanted, they didn’t care. My mother taught me that losing was a part of life and that it was inevitable and would come even when you believe (and a million other people) that you should win. What it does is build character, provides wisdom for you to share with others, and teaches you what losing feels like so that you work harder to try not to ever experience it again. Once you’ve gone the wrong way down a one way street, you know not to do it anymore. Once you’ve tried to kick the door in, break it down with your shoulder, or punch a hole in it and none of it has worked, you realize that either you need the key, a locksmith, or a chainsaw.
The fact of the matter is—is that at some point or another no matter how rich or poor you are, no matter how many cars in your garage you have or don’t have, and no matter how large of a tattoo of a ice cream cone you have on your face, life is going to suck at some point or another. Since it’s an inevitable part of life, the only question that remains is “now what?” Now that the baby is on the way, “Now what?” Now that you’ve been fired, laid off or have retired, “Now what?” Now that school is over, your significant other has moved on, or you’ve lost your house, “NOW WHAT?” This is the question that we must consistently force ourselves to answer day after day. It is how we respond to this question which shapes our lives and our outcome.
It’s ok to throw yourself a pity party every once in a while, just make it short and try not to invite too many people. Once it’s over, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get to work. Remember, not even the rich, famous and powerful are immune from hard times. Just ask Barack Obama, Donald Trump, and the Kennedys. It’s how they responded to adversity, it’s what they did when they got to the fork in the road, and how the answered the question from the troll at the bridge of “Now what?” which determined their outcome.
There are some things that are inevitably out of our control, the weather, death and other people’s behaviors to name a few. Accept that and plan accordingly. Ask yourself this question, now that you’ve gotten to the end of this post, “Now what?” Stay Up and Be Blessed!”
-Unknown
As human beings we have the propensity to think the world should stop and drop because of our problems. We think that because things aren’t right in our lives that the world should stop and pay attention and accept our invitation to our pity party. The reality is, is that everyone else in the world is so consumed with their own problems that they can’t make it to our pity party and are going to regretfully decline. You can send it to them in a fancy invitation or a jazzy e-vite, it won’t make a difference. As such, more often than not, we are forced to deal with our problems on our own, or with whatever troubled soul we’ve been able to bribe, threaten or dupe into listening.
The reality is, is that the whole world has problems and everyone else is too busy dealing with the dung in their yard to come smell yours. To think that your mess is much more important than your neighbor’s and that they should drop EVERYTHING to listen to you moan and groan about how unfair life is—is selfish, self-centered and egotistical and you should probably go see a therapist about it. I learned a long time ago from my mom that the world doesn’t revolve around me. No matter how much I wanted the world to care that I placed 2nd in a talent competition most thought I should have placed 1st in, or that I couldn’t get the new Air Jordan’s I wanted, they didn’t care. My mother taught me that losing was a part of life and that it was inevitable and would come even when you believe (and a million other people) that you should win. What it does is build character, provides wisdom for you to share with others, and teaches you what losing feels like so that you work harder to try not to ever experience it again. Once you’ve gone the wrong way down a one way street, you know not to do it anymore. Once you’ve tried to kick the door in, break it down with your shoulder, or punch a hole in it and none of it has worked, you realize that either you need the key, a locksmith, or a chainsaw.
The fact of the matter is—is that at some point or another no matter how rich or poor you are, no matter how many cars in your garage you have or don’t have, and no matter how large of a tattoo of a ice cream cone you have on your face, life is going to suck at some point or another. Since it’s an inevitable part of life, the only question that remains is “now what?” Now that the baby is on the way, “Now what?” Now that you’ve been fired, laid off or have retired, “Now what?” Now that school is over, your significant other has moved on, or you’ve lost your house, “NOW WHAT?” This is the question that we must consistently force ourselves to answer day after day. It is how we respond to this question which shapes our lives and our outcome.
It’s ok to throw yourself a pity party every once in a while, just make it short and try not to invite too many people. Once it’s over, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get to work. Remember, not even the rich, famous and powerful are immune from hard times. Just ask Barack Obama, Donald Trump, and the Kennedys. It’s how they responded to adversity, it’s what they did when they got to the fork in the road, and how the answered the question from the troll at the bridge of “Now what?” which determined their outcome.
There are some things that are inevitably out of our control, the weather, death and other people’s behaviors to name a few. Accept that and plan accordingly. Ask yourself this question, now that you’ve gotten to the end of this post, “Now what?” Stay Up and Be Blessed!”
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