Invincible

“I’m not your superwoman, [Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Spiderman or Catwoman either]…”

-Karyn White & [The Diplomat]

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report.” From time to time, I like to share deep dark secrets with you about my personal life. I think we’ve built a strong enough relationship that I can trust you with this information. I’m not going to give you my Facebook password or my ATM pin, but I will share some things that may go a long way in building our relationship. I’ve been seeing a therapist. Why, you ask? Well there are a number of reasons, a few that come to mind off the top of my head are: my addiction to “Dexter”, my superiority complex, workaholism, boundary issues, so on and so forth, but I digress. I’m sharing this because one of the things my therapist has encouraged me to do is to realize my own mortality, which prompted this week’s look at knowing your limits.

When I was in school I got the nickname Superman. The name stuck and my love of the character and all things Superman grew. So much so that if you came to my house and walked in my office you might think you were in a comic book collector’s lair. My affinity for the character isn’t just a derivative of the moniker or a boyhood desire to see through walls and fly. No, I like Superman because I believe I am Superman. Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and can leap a building in a single bound. Aside from that pesky aversion to kryptonite, he’s invincible. Who doesn’t want to be invincible and impervious to bats, bullets and ray guns? Who doesn’t want to beat Usain Bolt in a race? Who doesn’t want to save people?

Ever since I can remember I’ve been “the one.” Whether the title was self-appointed or given to me it’s been the title. I’m the one they called on in school if they needed a speaker or MC. I’m the one people call to proof their papers or resumes. I’m the one people call on when they have problems, legal or otherwise. Rather than calling myself “The Fixer” or “The Problem Solver” I called myself, and other people indulged me, Superman.

I’m not the only adult who had (and still maintains) a childhood affinity for superheroes. In high school there were a group of us so fixated on superheroes and cartoon characters that we carried tin lunchboxes with our favorite characters on them. Yeah…we did that. While we may be older, wiser and way too busy to watch cartoons (not me of course), many of us still compare ourselves to our animated alter egos. For many, playing Wonder Woman comes in the form of cooking, cleaning, nurturing, working, counseling and trying to squeeze more hours into every day than the 24 we’re given. For others, playing Batman means 5 am workouts, 10-12 hour work days, finding time for family and friends and being on call for the next minor or major emergency that may befall them. Eventually this gets old, you become fatigued and you need to recharge.

The difference between me and the “real” Man of Steel is that when Superman feels devoid of energy and needs a vacation he has the Sun and his Fortress of Solitude to recharge his battery and to get away from it all. But where do I go? How do I recharge? The fact of the matter is I usually don’t until I have to, and when I do it’s critical for me to stop, drop and rest or I’ll end up in a hospital bed. Where is your Fortress of Solitude or Bat Cave? What is the source of energy that you use to recharge after a long bout with whatever life has thrown at you?

I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, that you can’t be all things to all people (WOOSAH!). I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. Someone always gets left out in the cold and most of the times that person is you. Giving of your time, talent and finances is admirable and encouraged but eventually the day ends, you grow tired and unless you’re Bill Gates you’ll go broke. Do what you can with what you have and leave the rest for everyone else. Don’t be so consumed with saving the world that you forget to save yourself. Your desire to be a superhero should not come at the expense of your life, health and wealth. You can’t give what you don’t have. Contrary to what you have convinced yourself to be true, you’re NOT invincible.

I’m in no way encouraging you to stop helping others. Do not interpret this post as a message to not give to Green Peace, feed the homeless, mentor a youth, or donate your time at a Soup Kitchen. No, what this post is saying is that you’re human not superhuman and that you should govern yourself accordingly. Don’t go trying to run through brick walls, trying to melt butter with your laser vision or jumping off the building in an attempt to fly. Don’t answer your phone every time it rings at all times of the night. Don’t be so quick to run to everyone’s rescue in non-emergency situations. Don’t spend all of your money fixing someone else’s car, house or financial issues that you ignore your own. When you stop always being available and running to people’s rescue when they call, scream, text, or write, eventually they’ll figure it out for themselves. There is a Chinese proverb that says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Always being there when something goes wrong for your friends and your family is what a good friend, child, brother, sister, spouse is supposed to do. However, there are limits. You have to ask yourself, by being there EVERYTIME are you teaching your loved ones how to fish or are you handing out catfish sandwiches when they need it? The only person you’re responsible for (aside from your offspring and dependents) is you.

Eventually all of our tanks will hit empty and our reserves will be at 0. Then what? Then we recharge. If we wait too long to fill up and/or get away it may be too late. Hopefully you take precautions not to get that low because rebounding can be a long arduous process that will either be done in a mental health facility, a hospital, a beach, or a dark room rocking yourself to sleep to the sound of smooth jazz or Michael McDonald. Take time to dry clean your cape (because you know you can’t wash it), polish your boots and wash your tights. And while you’re doing that, take the time to recharge because you’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you’re not around. You’re not invincible so stopping acting like you are. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

Tomorrow Isn't Promised-Take The Risk

“If at the end of the day you don't feel an inch, step or foot closer to your dreams you're doing something wrong.” –The Diplomat

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”.  I apologize for my absence from the blog last week but it was a really busy week. Between meetings, interviews, travel and very little sleep, there wasn’t much time to pen a post. No worries, I’m back and ready to go. Despite my incredibly busy schedule as of late and the fact that there appear to be no signs of it slowing down anytime soon, I’ve managed to stay upbeat and focused on my #1 goal…”trying to take over the world.”

I’m a superhero…or so I tell myself. My superpowers are focus and drive. I have an uncanny ability to focus on the task at hand when life is anything but stable, uncertainty is at an all-time high and Rome is burning. Some of this is due to my life experiences that forced me to adapt and some of it comes from lessons I learned at home. I learned from my parents, at an early age, that “one monkey don’t stop no show” and that even when my life may be falling apart, the world continues to turn. While it’s perfectly understandable to take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts after a death in the family, a forced career move, or a relationship disaster, we must not dwell any longer than is absolutely necessary on these things. Give every event its due time and energy but not a second or ounce more. Anything extra is time and energy not spent on working towards your goals. My parents taught me how to be strong in the face of adversity and my past experiences were tests to see if I paid attention.

Every breath, every step and every second spent on this planet is a gift from God, which is why it’s called the present. The only guarantees in life are death and taxes; everything else is to be determined. Once we’re able to accept our fallibility, our humanness and our lack of control over tomorrow, we should then live life with passion, vigor and unrivaled zeal. In the words of Jack Harbaugh, we should attack each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. In doing so, we should do 3 things every day:

1. Thank and Praise God

2. Get Better

3. Get Closer to Our Dreams

If you aren’t doing these things daily then you’re doing it wrong. If you aren’t moving forward than you’re moving backwards. Every step that you don’t take is a step in the wrong direction. A colleague of mine by the name of Randall K. Benjamin, II (@rkbtwo) has adopted the mantra “take the risk.” I encourage you to do the same. You will fail every challenge you don’t attempt. You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You will miss out on every opportunity you don’t take. You will regret every risk that you don’t take.

Take the risk to realize your mortality and thank God for an opportunity to make your mark while still on earth. Take the risk and don’t settle for who you are today (in life, health, and wealth) and work towards who you want to be tomorrow. Take the risk and take a step away from the mundane and the routine and take a step closer to your dreams. Take the risk!

Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed! 

Wave Hello

Just keep going, and don’t look back

And look forward from where you’re at

There’s some jealousy in your rearview

Wave hello, hello, hello…

Push that pedal to the max

Count that money that’s in your lap

There’s some jealousy in your rearview

Hello, hello, hello…

-“Hello” T.I. ft. Cee Lo Green

Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of “The Diplomat’s Report”. Last week, I commemorated my 100^th blog post with a special introspective look at my life through the lens of this blog. I reviewed 99 posts before constructing #100 in an attempt to remind myself of where I started, to see where I am and to better ascertain where I am going. It was both enlightening and scary to compare where I started with where I am now, but I must admit that taking this introspective look evoked a personal feeling of pride.  Often times, many of us speak about growth and being better but what is our barometer? How do you really know that you’ve grown? What is the measuring stick for determining that we’re taller, emotionally speaking, than we were before? For me, it’s my blog. Looking over my blog served as a means to see what I wrote about over the course of more than 2 years and I’m proud to say I can see the growth.

During the first one hundred posts of this blog I’ve experienced heartache, heartbreak, love, triumph, defeat, success, anger, anguish, misery, depression, joy and pain. I’ve been lied on, lied to, talked about and mistreated; I’ve also been wronged and I’ve wronged others as well. Finally, I can honestly say that during this process I’ve picked up my share of haters too. There are so many songs, catch phrases and sayings about haters but what do we do with them and, better yet, what do we do with the hate? Unlike some people, I believe both the hater and the hate serve a purpose.

In his critically acclaimed song “Stay” Nas said, “some hatin’ is confused admiration.” For someone to take the time out of their lives to hate and hate on you means that you have something they want. No matter how “tore up from the floor up” your life may be there is something that you have, possess, or exude that illicits envy from someone else. It may be your significant other or your spouse, your car, your house, your well-behaved children, your impeccable sense of style, or your ability to glide on top of Lake Bullsh*t while you’re furiously paddling beneath it like a duck. All the while, you’re struggling to pay bills, you’re riding to and from work on fumes, your kid just got put out of school, your brother or sister has a drug problem and your good-for-nothing partner is driving you up a wall. No matter how dystopic your life may be on the inside, someone still finds a reason to be jealous of what you show on the outside.

Congratulations, you have mastered the art of “faking it til you make it”. Not everything will be perfect and things won’t always go our way. Sometimes our money will be funny, although the landlord won’t be laughing. At times we may be starving but the refrigerator may be empty and our bank accounts too. If you’ve learned how to pretend to be happy, if you’ve learned how to fake contentment, and if you’ve learned how to smile in the midst of the storm, maybe you’re just crazy enough to believe that eventually everything will be alright.

No person, place, or thing on God’s green earth is perfect including you, yours, me and mine. We must come to grips with this imperfection and live life accordingly. That doesn’t mean you should be content with calamity or ok with anarchy. No, it means being satisfied with doing your best on your quest for greatness and knowing that no matter how hard you try, perfection is unattainable but that you’re going to keep striving for it anyway.

The journey is long, arduous and filled with trials and tribulations. The road is filled with potholes, ditches, trolls and faulty bridges. The weather won’t always be great but there is relief. When you see a hater say “Hey, how you doing?” and take it as a sign that while your world may be far from anything resembling Disney Land, you know you’re doing well enough to be hated. Take solace in the fact that while you may be hurting on the inside that joy that you exhibit on the outside is causing others to lose their minds. From these things we should garner encouragement to keep going. Use the haters as fuel to power your dreams.

No matter how steep the mountain is, keep climbing. No matter how daunting the task may be, keep going. No matter how much you may be talked about, ridiculed and abused, keep pushing. Keep pushing and don’t look back and just wave hello at the haters as you pass them by. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!