-Nas “Bye Baby”
Greetings folks! Every week I begin my post with my customary
greeting. What if I skipped it and just got right into my post? What if we met
on the street and I decided not to acknowledge your presence? Would you be
upset? If so, would your anger be a result of you being hung up on greetings? Is
it because it’s proper etiquette to say “hello” and “goodbye” or is it
something else?
When a loved one passes away it’s tough. No matter what the
circumstances may have been it’s tough to process. You’ve just lost a friend, a
family member and in some ways a part of you, which will never be replaced.
It’s even tougher when you don’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. I was
watching the season finale of “Suits” (which is a great show by the way) and
one of the main characters, Mike Ross, lost his grandmother. Given her age and
health her death didn’t come as much of a surprise. Mike, however, took it very
hard. Among other things, Mike was upset that he never got a chance to say
goodbye to his grandmother. But why? Why do we need to, want to, expect to be
able to say goodbye before someone passes on to the great beyond? Why do we
feel like the circle of life isn’t complete unless and until we’re able to bid
one last farewell?
Well it could be that goodbye means the end. It signals
permanence. It’s much different than “see you tomorrow” or “catch you soon.” No,
goodbye means if I don’t see you for a while at least I was able to say
goodbye. However, perhaps we should be more concerned with what goes on between
the greetings than the greetings themselves. We should be more focused on what
we do with the time, the moments and the opportunities between “hello” and
“goodbye” than the actual greetings themselves.
Yes, we feel better when people speak when they enter and
exit a room. Yes we feel better when our significant other kisses us on the way
out the door to work. Yes there is a sense of completeness when we get a
handshake, a high-five or a hug after we’ve finished having dinner with a
friend. But what if it doesn’t happen? Does it belittle all of the moments that
came before it? Does it erase all of the memories that were made before that neglected
closing? No it doesn’t. When our friends, loved ones, or co-workers are dead
and gone what we’ll carry with us won’t be the “hello’s” and the “goodbyes”
unless the greetings were done with fireworks and cheerleaders. What we’ll
carry with us will be all of the moments, good, bad and indifferent, that
occurred in between.
As last school year began to close there was a lot of
uncertainty as to whether I would return to my post. My attempts to gain
clarity were thwarted at every turn and met with more uncertainty. What I
didn’t want and what I couldn’t allow to happen was the school year to end
without saying goodbye to my students. To me, leaving them without saying goodbye
was the ultimate sign of disrespect. Despite how nonsensical it may have appeared
to say “goodbye” without actually knowing that I wasn’t coming back, it was
something I felt compelled to do. Saying goodbye gave me closure and allowed me
to move forward.
As I prepare to leave Miami (again) I was fearful that I
wouldn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. I was scared that the people I
love and care about the most wouldn’t get an opportunity for me to tell them
how much I love them, how much I care about them and much I will miss them. I
came to the realization that I’m going to forget about saying goodbye. I’m not
going to worry about whether I’ll be able to shake hands with or hug every
person that I care about here in South Florida. No, what I’m going to do is
carry with me all of the memories with the people I’m leaving behind who I may
not be able to say goodbye to and hope that this post will suffice.
Undoubtedly I’ll be back. High airline prices, TSA and a “no
fly” rule couldn’t keep me from visiting. In the mean time, so long, farewell
Auf wiedersehenm good night and goodbye South Florida and all of the wonderful
friends, family, students, and co-workers I’m leaving behind. I love you, I’ll
miss you, but I’ll always be a phone call, email, flight, tweet or Facebook
message away. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!
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