Failure Is Not An Option

“Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.”
-Barack Obama

Greetings folks. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "it's not Wednesday what's the deal." You're probably also thinking, "twice in one week (or month)." Yeah, yeah, yeah. As summer is upon us I've vowed to do better by my blog. Additionally, due to recent events I was moved to write a post that couldn't wait to the regularly scheduled posting time. As a result here it is.

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, disappointments and failures. More than I would like. And truth be told, I feel like I should never experience it. I feel like I’m too smart, too talented, too ambitious to fail. Call me cocky, conceited or arrogant but it’s how I feel. Yet and still I know that it is inevitable. Losing sucks, hurts and burns in the worst way. It feels like losing your girlfriend, finding out that your dog died and that you lost your job all at the same time. But losing or falling short is a necessary part of life. Where it not for all the second place medals, I wouldn’t appreciate the first place medals. Where it not for all the women who came and went in my life, I wouldn’t know what not to do with the next one. Were it not for all the times I came close but failed miserably, I wouldn’t know what to do to get over the top.

Losing sucks. However, it is an inevitable part of life; like death and taxes. You can run but you can’t hide. Just ask any celebrity and Wesley Snipes. As I sit here wallowing in yet another loss, I’m angry. I’m disappointed. I feel slighted. I feel lost. I feel marginalized. My whole life I’ve been taught about the importance of winning, success and being on top. Very little of my life’s lessons have come about losing, appreciating it and learning from it, until now. I’ve lost a lot; love, loved ones and opportunities. And while at the moment, the initial pain of those experiences burned hotter than a bonfire, eventually I appreciated it. Losing that girlfriend taught me lessons I would have never learned with her. Losing those special people in my life taught me that I can’t depend on people to be around forever and to appreciate people while they’re here. Losing out on certain opportunities taught me that nothing is promised, and that even when the wheels come off we have to find a way to keep it moving.

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.” -Anonymous

Inevitably we’ll all lose before it’s all said and done: a pick-up basketball game, a family member, a job. Life is full of disappointments and losses. But life isn’t about the obstacles, the hurdles and the adversity. Life is about how we react to those things. Are you strong enough to still jump the hurdle when your legs are sore? Are you strong enough to run through the brick wall that emerges in your path? Are you strong enough to pick yourself and continue to fight on when someone you thought you could never live without is no longer with you?

If there is one thing I hate as much, if not more, than losing it’s quitting. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, some not so flattering, but never a quitter. Quitting signifies that you’ve been beat and that you admit that you can never win. Quitting means that you’ve thrown in the towel and have laid down for your opponent. Quitting means that you aren’t strong enough to continue and that instead of fighting it out to the end to see who wins, you’d rather concede. Quitting means that you’ve abandoned all hope of a favorable outcome. I hate quitters.

My disdain for the word quit precludes me from even acknowledging it in my dictionary. My displeasure with the very idea or notion of not seeing something to the end irritates my bowels. My hatred for all things involving the idea or practice of quitting enrages me like nothing else. This is part of the reason why I continue on. This is part of the reason why I haven’t and won’t give up. This is part of the reason why I persevere. I can’t quit.

“There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” -Malcolm X

I am keenly aware that all of my failures, shortcomings and losses have made me a better man. What kind of person would I be if I won all the time? What kind of champion would Michael Jordan be if he never got cut from his high school basketball team? What kind of champion would Lebron James be if he never lost his first 2 NBA Finals? What kind of motivational speaker would Les Brown be if he had never been doubted?

Adversity builds character and teaches lessons winning and no teacher, professor or graduate student can. Instead of running away from it, I choose to run towards it. I choose to embrace it. I choose to stand tall, look adversity in the face, and learn the lessons it wishes to teach me. I don’t always do it with a smile. I don’t always do it willingly. I don’t always do it immediately. But I do it.

While at this moment, I’m less than pleased, I’ll take it. At this moment I feel slighted, I’ll take it. At this moment I feel down-trodden, I’ll take it. I’ll take it because I know that greatness lies in overcoming obstacles. I’ll take it because I know “trouble won’t last always” and “that this too will pass.” I’ll take it because I know the tears, the heartache, pain and sacrifice will eventually amount to joy, exuberance and happiness. I’ll take it because I know that losing now, if I learn the lessons from it that I should, will turn into wins later. I’ll take it because I know that I can’t lose “for even in defeat, there’s a valuable lesson learned, so it evens it up for me.” -Jay-Z “Blueprint 2”

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross