Change

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle.”
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Greetings folks! I’d like to begin to today’s post with a little sharing, something I want to get off my chest. There is something I’d like to let you know; something that will make us more than just blog buddies but best friends for life. If that’s something that interests you then please continue on. If it in no way remotely interests you and in fact it just scared the hell out of you, but you’re still curious to know what I’m about to share, then you can continue reading as well.

Okay here it goes; I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. Whew, that felt good to get that out in the open. I feel infinitely closer to you right now. Can you feel it? I do. I’m not talking about the “Thriller”, “Smooth Criminal”, “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough” Michael. I’m talking about the “ABC” Jackson 5 Michael, the “Ben” Michael, and the “Butterflies” Michael. I know this may alter what you think of me but I’m ok with it. Ever since I was a little kid and I saw the Moonwalker video, I was a fan. I wanted to dance, sing and wear one glove like him. I wanted to make music, help people and own a monkey just like him. Eventually I grew up and realized that they only sold gloves in pairs and that my parents would never allow me to own a monkey even if I promised to take care of it. However, my love for his music still persisted. One of my favorite MJ songs is “Man in the Mirror.” In this song, Michael talks about making a change but instead of starting with everything and everyone else, he decided to start with the man in the mirror.

Sounds simple, but trust me as a man who’s decided to make some changes in his life, it’s much harder than it appears. We as humans are creatures of habit. We get accustomed to doing things a particular way and most want to continue to do it that way for the rest of our lives. Even people who pride themselves on being spontaneous, adventurous and unpredictable have some aspect of their lives that even they can set their watch too. As such, change is hard. Really hard. Just ask the drug addict, the alcoholic and the chain smoker. It’s hard to stop doing something that you’ve always done even when what you’ve been doing is detrimental to your health, finances and overall well-being.

Change is hard but it’s necessary. Anything that isn’t continuously moving and growing is dying. Life can’t be sustained in stagnant water. Stay holed up in your house long enough without moving and watch how many years you’ll take off your life expectancy. Ok maybe those things are obvious but how do we make the hard decision to actually change our lives. How do we go from being pack a day smokers to healthy living? How do we go from being misogynistic philanderers to a guy a woman would want to take home to her parents? How do we go from being jerks, assholes and douche bags (excuse the profanity, I mean French) to people the world can live with and so can we?

Step 1: You have to want to change
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.
-Ben Stein

First, it starts with wanting to change. It is my understanding that many of us think that we are fine just the way we are. Eh…I agree and I disagree. I believe there are things about us that we and everyone around us should learn to live with; our race, ethnicity, that birthmark on your left butt cheek that looks like Russia. However, there are things you probably should change: vulgarity, foot odor, your drug habit, anger management and your addiction to sexually explicit materials (porn). We have to identify those things that need to be changed and then want to change them.

Step 2: Put in the work
“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.”
-Horace Mann

The second thing we have to do to make the necessary changes in our lives is work at it. John Wooden once said that, “nothing will work unless you do.” If you want to make changes in your life you have to work at it. Wanting to change is the first step, but it’s not the only step. Some experts say that correcting a bad habit like biting your nails, picking your nose or some other filthy habit you have, takes at least 21 days of not doing that particular thing. For other behaviors such as drug/alcohol use or smoking, may take longer. Many say that even after you clear the initial hurdle of no longer craving these things on a daily basis that it is a continuous struggle to fight against the desire to use again.

The same can be said about changing negative behavior that won’t result in jail time or death. In order to stop being a cheater, you have to actually work on it. If you’ve been a cheater your whole life, your natural reaction when you’re in a situation that mimics situations you’ve been in before is to do what you’ve always done; cheat. You must have a constant awareness of the situations you put yourself in and work consistently towards changing.

Step 3: Push Through the Pain
"Greatness lies in overcoming obstacles."
-Unknown

The third step in making the changes we need to make in our lives is perseverance. Aristotle, wrote, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” We have to keep at it. In the face of adversity, obstacles, hindrances, setbacks and relapses we have to push forward. Again this won’t be easy. Just ask the 15 year old who still sucks their thumb, or the 8 year old that still sleeps with a night light, or the 10 year old that still wets the bed. Dale Carnegie implored us to “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” Often times, it’s only after we’ve fallen and gotten back up that we know how to stay on our feet. We may have to fall many times before we eventually find the secret to staying up. Inevitably we must push through the pain, the hurt, the self-doubt, through the darkness, through the valley and over the mountain until we reach our goal.

Step 4: Keep the Faith
"Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than us to do it."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The quest to be a better person is a journey, not a destination. There is no finish line, no trophy, no scantily clad women and a team of supporters waiting to douse you in your alcoholic beverage of choice to signal the end of your race. Nope. Sorry. Every day that we’re alive, we should strive to be better than we were the day before. Imagine if you just settled for being who you were at your high school graduation, or after you were able to get that pretty girl’s phone number, or who you were when you landed that great job. What would life be if you just stopped trying after that? Perpetual sadness. It’s ok to look back on your accomplishments with fond memories and pat yourself on the back from time to time. However, a fixation on the past will prevent you from the enjoying the present and preparing for the future.

Change is a process. A long, arduous, painful, minefield laden, joyful, rewarding process. You may not see the fruits of your labor right away, but I promise you that if you keep the faith, stay the course and focus on the journey and not the destination that you’ll be better in the end. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!