More Than I Can Bear

I’ve gone through the fire
And I’ve been through the flood
I’ve been broken into pieces
Seen lightning flashing from above
But through it all I remember
That He loves me
And He cares
And He’ll never put more on me than I can bear.

-Kirk Franklin-“More Than I Can Bear”


Greetings Family. In my short time here on this Earth I’ve seen and experienced quite a bit. I’ve had enough heartache, pain, death and disappointment to last me a lifetime. There have been times where I’ve wanted to stop, quit, do something different or do nothing at all. Yet despite, my trials and tribulations I pressed on.

When I was younger I took on the moniker of Superman; faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and can leap a building in a single bound. No human could ever stop Superman. To me he wasn’t just a cartoon character, or a childhood hero, he was I and I was him. As such, I vowed to never let anything get to me, to never let anything stop me, to never let a man, woman, or child get in the way of my goals, dreams and aspirations. In my youthful admiration of this character, I failed to realized that even Superman could be hurt, that even Superman grew weary of his task of protecting Earth, and that while he was stronger, bigger and faster than most, that he was not invincible.

I’m not invincible. As much as it hurts for me to say it, I have to. I’m not invincible. As much as I would like to be, despite the fact that for a long time I thought I was; I’m not. I bleed, I cry, I hurt, I get tired, I get sad, I get sick.

The past couple of weeks have been tough for me to deal with, perhaps much tougher than I thought. I’ve always prided myself on my ability to compartmentalize my feelings, thoughts and emotions and to tackle whatever task there was that needed to be complete. I always felt like, no matter how painful it may be, no matter how much it sucks, the job still needs to get done. However, dealing with my grandmother’s passing has hit me a lot harder than anticipated.

Things have returned to a sense of normalcy and I’m still not ok. Here it is two weeks later and I’m still struggling to regroup, to get on task and continue with Operation Diplomatic Takeover. Except it’s not so much my grandmother’s passing. It’s looking at the enormous size of the task at hand which has me at a lost. I have a magnet program to run, papers to grade, a scholarship to run, a girlfriend to care for, friends and family to check on, a business to run…a million and one things to do and I’m stuck in neutral like a 1 ton truck with a 10 ton load in the bed.

We’ve all been given a task to do and a cross to carry but at times this cross I bear seems impossibly heavy. Sometimes my shoulders hurt and I feel like I can’t carry it anymore. Sometimes my back begins to ache and I feel as though it’s going to break. Sometimes my feet hurt so badly and I’m not sure I can take another step. Then I hear the words of my grandmother in my ear as she says “to whom much is given, much is required” and I’m reminded of the song that says “He’ll never put more on me than I can bear.”

So while my feet may ache sometimes, I’ll buy some insoles and walk on. While my back may give me problems, I’ll get some IcyHot and keep pressing. While my shoulders may feel like they’ve been set on fire from the load of the cross that I carry, I’ll put a pad on my shoulders and continue to move forward.

At times I grow tired of the phone calls, the questions, the expectations, the emails, the looks, the workload, the tasks, and the cross. And I have my good days and my bad days. But thankfully, my good days have outweighed my bad and that’s a good enough reason to continue on.

In life we’re going to be given more than what we think we can handle, but it’s not until we meet the unknown that we know we can handle what’s in front of us. It’s not until you’ve conquered the 10 lb weights that you’re ready to move up. It isn’t until you’ve spent time as a sales rep that you’re ready to be a manager. Shoulder the heavy load of today because tomorrow it won’t be as heavy. Be confident in yourself and your ability to handle whatever it is that life may throw at you; because the day you stop being able to handle it is the day life isn’t worth living anymore. Stay Up and Be Blessed!