Wish You Were Here

But sometimes I wonder why
Why can’t you still be here with me?
Wish God would’ve waited a couple more years for you to see.
I’m trying to stay strong, barely holding on.

I know I’ll see you again but for right now rest in peace
And when I get to heave, first thing they’ll say to me
Tell me have you seen [Dorothy Washington]
Find out where you are, run into your arms
Wrap your wings around me and whisper in my ear
“Well done, well, well done my son, well done, well done, oh”

I wish you were here, you’d be so proud of your son
I wish you were here to celebrate with me.
I wish you were here.

-Jamie Foxx, “Wish You Were Here”


Greetings folks! For those of you who know me intimately you know I’m a pretty easy going guy when it comes to just about everything. The city can be burning down around me, women and children may be screaming like banshees, and I may be as broke as the day is long, but I’m still going to go about my business. My ability to handle adversity and stand tall in the midst of a hurricane isn’t like most’s and it took me a while to understand that. At one time, I felt like my way of dealing with life’s challenges and obstacles was normal and typical and that everyone should conform. However, over time I realized just how different I am.

When I made the decision to relocate back to South Florida it was in part because of the opportunity to touch the lives of young people, be closer to family, have a warmer climate but it was LARGELY due to the poor health my grandmother was in. I decided to move home, help my mother, who was taking care of my granny, and be there for my family. I knew when I came home on July 29th, 2010 what I was getting myself into and did it with no reservations.

On August 15th, my family and I were at my grandmother’s house cleaning when she began to experience some discomfort in her chest and some irregular breathing. That day we called EMT and they took her to the hospital. That next day when we went to visit her, the doctor told us that had she not been monitored the night before in the hospital that she would have passed away at home in her sleep. It was then that I got confirmation, that I made the right decision to come home.

The past week and a half has been tumultuous to say the least. My grandmother passed away on Wednesday, March 16th while I was away on vacation and I wasn’t due back until the following Sunday. When confronted with the decision to stay or go home and be with my family, I decided to stay. Most people, I believe, unequivocally would have decided to go home and weather the storm. I was in such a bad place mentally and physically before I left, due to the long hours and mental stress I had endured prior to my break, that I decided to stay and work it out. I concluded that I would be no good to anyone if I wasn’t able to gather myself. My mother encouraged me to stay rest and try to enjoy my vacation as much as possible, because there would be plenty of work for me to do when I got home.

Yet, and still, there is the fact that no matter how mentally tough I am, a key part of my life is no longer here. When I think about the instrumental people in my life, the people who helped turn a chubby little kid in Miami into the man you see today, my granny is right near the top of the list. I have never proclaimed to be self-made, but I have always felt as though with or without someone’s help I would get the job done. My granny is one of the few people I don’t feel like I could have made it without.

Granny didn’t do for me financially the way she did for some of her other grandchildren and I don’t remember any sleepovers as a kid, but she didn’t need to and she was there. She always encouraged me to do more, be better and reach higher. She always told me, “to whom much is given, much is required.” Granny said because I was smart and had abilities most don’t that I had to be better than most. So when the deaths of 4 friends and family members hit me the fall semester of my junior year of college, I cherished those words. When I struggled my first year of law school and questioned my ability to handle the task at hand, I remembered granny’s words, and when we buried three of her children in less than 2 years, I kept those words near and dear to my heart so that I could be strong for her and my mom in public while I dealt with my feelings behind closed doors.

I’ve never been an overly emotional individual and believe that I can I probably count on 1 hand how many times I’ve shed a tear outside being physically chastised as a child. But as I sit here and write this post in honor of my granny, with her so heavy on my heart, I can’t help but let the tears roll down my face. Granny and I talked about her coming to my graduations, my swearing in, wedding and me buying her a house. Granny made the graduation from FSU, despite the fact that her health had already began to deteriorate. However, her condition prevented her from attending anything else, a fact that still saddens me to this day, because I know how much it meant to her to see “one of hers” doing something positive.

My granny was strong, private, confident, stubborn, loving, caring, warm, giving and witty. She’d give you a dollar even if was her last and fix you a bowl of whatever was on the stove even if was all she had. There are a lot of things I inherited from her: good looks (LOL, her words not mine), strong will and determination, and there are a lot of things I learned from her: to praise God in spite of your circumstances, to thank Him for his blessings and to keep people out of your business. But there are many lessons I still have to learn that she’s no longer here to teach.

While I’m saddened by her absence I’m comforted by the fact that she is no longer in pain. She suffered quite a bit in her last remaining days and to see her go through that was gut-wrenching. Yet despite how painful it was to see a person I loved and cared about so very much go through that ordeal, I stood by her side because her desire to be surrounded by family was more important than my desire to not see her suffer. She was a fighter who fought more rounds than the doctors ever thought she would. But on Wednesday, March 16th at 2:20 a.m. God called the fight and said that she didn’t have to fight anymore.

Live everyday like it’s your last because one day it will be. Cherish the time that you have with your loved ones because they too one day will be gone. There are no promises in life and the only certainties are death and taxes. Pay your taxes and live your life to the fullest so that you can leave here with no regrets.

I would like to thank everyone for their condolences, cards, flowers, messages, texts, facebook messages, tweets, hugs, love, support, kind words, care and concern for my family and me during our time of bereavement. You have truly made this time a lot more bearable. Until next time, Stay Up and Be Blessed!