It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

"It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye"- Boyz II Men

How do I say goodbye to what he had?
The good times that made us laugh, outweigh the bad.

I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away.
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don’t know where this road is going to lead
All I know is where we’ve been
And what we’ve been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it’s worth all the wait.
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday


This whole goodbye thing has been a lot harder than what I thought it would be. I’ve been ready to leave Chicago for months, and now that my time here is rapidly drawing to a close, there is a hint of reluctance which has began to creep into my thoughts. Make no mistake there is no regret about my decision to leave the office for a better opportunity and to be closer to my family, however, even knowing that doesn’t make leaving the place you’ve called home for the past year any easier. Combine that with the fact that I have some of the best co-workers I’ve ever had and you have a recipe for a tearful goodbye liken to that in a “chick flick.”

I thought my disdain for the management, my desire to be closer to home, and eagerness to take the next step in my career would shield me from any sadness. I was wrong. As the day draws closer and closer, reality sets in more and more that I’m leaving. I’m actually leaving. Furthermore, as I come to grips with this reality, I realize more and more how hard this will be. I have known for months that I was leaving and I have been trying to come up with a way to tell my co-workers for quite some time and have not done it yet. Do I call a meeting, tell them all individually, or send out an email? What I don’t want is for people to find out haphazardly or through the grapevine; at least not the ones I care about. The people I care about, I want them to get it directly from me and no other source. I think I at least owe them that. However, how do I say it? What do I say? What if somebody starts to cry? What if I start to cry? I think I have to just man up and do it and be ready to deal with whatever backlash may occur. Chicago has been good to me and so have my beloved co-workers but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s time to move on.

Anything that isn’t moving is dying. Water that is stagnant isn’t safe to drink. If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards. While this move is certainly sooner than expected, the situation necessitates it. My family needs me; my community needs me; and a wonderful opportunity has come around for me to do all that and draw a paycheck every two weeks. What’s complicating the matter is this bond I have developed with this group of people that I work with that I never knew I could or would. They’ve really kept me from jumping off the ledge (figuratively speaking of course).

When I came to Chicago I was in a really bad place and I didn’t know how to deal with it. It was difficult opening up to people, difficult going to work, and difficult coming home. Everything was a chore and I was unhappy. Even without going into details about my life and where I was, they really helped me start down that road to healing and recovery. They made sure I got out, met people, went to mixers and receptions, and that I spent as little time alone with my crazy thoughts as possible. That time when I finally decided to get out of the house and kick it with them, things began to get better; not overnight but over time. As a result, I owe a lot of the happiness I’ve experienced in Chicago to them.

This is tough! Much tougher than I envisioned and much tougher than I would like; but it is what it is. I know what I have to do and sometimes doing what you have to do means doing the hard thing, which in this case is walking away from them. As I sit here and type this post, I wrestle with my feelings, replaying all the long nights of buffoonery with the co-workers, initiations, drunken karaoke, office fraternization, the long days at court, the shared frustration with management, and how soon that will all be gone. I’ll be back soon enough and the 1,200 miles that will soon be between us isn’t going to stop me.

Alas, as the end of the road for us draws near and I still contemplate how to say goodbye, while I pack away my apartment; I’ll be sure to pack away the memories as well. It’s really hard to say goodbye, especially when you’re leaving such a great group of people. Stay up, be blessed and live every moment like it’s your last because you never know when it will be.