I'm Ready

Time will bring the real end of our trial.
One day they’ll be no remnants, no trace, no residual feelings within you
One day you won’t remember me.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya, I hope you feel the same.

Oh you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction, had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy, I had to set you free

Away from me to see clearly
The way that love can be when you are not with me
I had to leave, I had to live
I had to leave, I had to live

If I can’t have you let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around.

Maxwell-“Pretty Wings”


I’ve recently had a new revelation…I think I’m ready. I use the word “think” as opposed to “know” to leave myself some wiggle room in the unlikely case I’m wrong, but I’m pretty confident that I’m not wrong.

It has become abundantly clear to me as of late that the ex “just isn’t that into me” anymore. I came to this conclusion over the past few days after I sent her 2 text messages that she chose not to respond to. They didn’t say anything important just “what’s good?” She was on my mind and I decided to send her a text to see how she was doing; nothing more, nothing less. They were sent days apart and neither garnered a response. She could have been sleep, on a date, or just plain busy, who knows. But I think it’s pretty telling that she didn’t say anything. Even when I was studying for finals and for the bar exam I didn’t ignore texts for days on end.

What bothers me is that we were really working on being friends “post break-up.” Clearly there is more work to do. If I hit up one of my friends they tend to respond fairly quickly depending on if they’re awake and if they have their phone. Even when they can’t respond immediately they do so within a reasonable amount of time. But the key fact is that they respond. To choose not to respond means you’ve been kidnapped, your phone is dead or you don’t care.

Up to this very moment I’ve been very much still in love with her, which I didn’t actually realize until recently. But I think I’m done. I still love her and always will there’s nothing I can do about that. But for me to move on with my life I have to not be in love with her anymore, especially since she’s clearly not in love with me anymore. I don’t doubt that she has strong feelings for me but they aren’t nearly the same as they were, which is fine. I’ve been looking for an impetus and praying for a sign that it’s okay to move on, that there’s no longer a need to put a stopper in the door for her. As trivial as it may seem to some, I think this is it. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to delete her from my life and pretend she doesn’t exist or that I’m going to start sending her anonymous hate mail. What it means is that I can officially start writing the next chapter in my life with whomever that may be, and that I no longer have to look back.

To be honest I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, which is how I really “know” this is right. I’ve tried before to move on before, but really couldn’t. But I feel much differently now then I did previously so I’m confident I’m good to go. So, here’s to the future and whatever it may bring. I’m ready!