Gym Etiquette

Americans are fat! It is because we are fat that there has been such a huge push for universal healthcare, dieting and exercise and rightfully so. Obesity is a big problem (no pun intended). And when your fat ass takes up 2 seats on the bus, or you arteries become so clogged with bacon fat and milkshakes, it's the taxpayers who suffer. We pay for the jaws of life that are used to get you off the couch you're stuck to, we pay for the industrial strength lube needed to grease your behind through the door. We also pay when we're getting slapped in the face with your mounds of fat and when we have to listen to your heavy breathing as you grasp for air. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against fat, chubby, thick, portly, or rotund people. I have friends who fit these descriptions. My problem is with the obese. But that's not with this post is about.

This post is about the results of this new found desire to get fit. Because of it, gym memberships are at a all-time high, every athlete and supermodel has a fitness video and people are popping pills, smoothies and running to the doctor for all types of surgery in an effort to get healthier. Congratulations and thank you for answering the bell. Inevitably some of the people are trying to be fit now, have never lifted a finger a day in their lives and have no idea what they're doing and herein lies the problem and is the impetus for this post. It's ok to go the gym but when you get there you must practice the proper etiquette or risk being bench pressed by Lou Ferrigno (the guy who played Incredible Hulk in the tv series). To help the cause I have decided to document the rule of Gym Etiquette. This isn't an exhaustive list but just a few guidelines to follow when you get started.

 

1. No Staring.
   

   On the gym floor or in the locker room, nothing makes a person more uncomfortable than to find someone staring. Whether you're impressed with abundance of muscles, the size (or lack thereof) of your comrade's love muscle, or are daydreaming; DON'T DO IT.
   

   
    

2. Get 'er Done
   

   This is not just the battle cry of the Blue Collar Comedy tour but a mantra you should live by in the gym. Not many of us have much time to waste when we're in the gym, so it's imperative that we get in, get out and get on with our lives. That's incredibly difficult to do, when you have some guy who falls in love with the crunch machine and never wants to leave. The only thing you're doing is causing severe abdominal discomfort and pissing off the people waiting for the same equipment.
   

   
    

3. Wipe it Down
   

   You should always bring a hand towel to the gym to keep from dripping all over the gym and so that others don't have to lay in the pool of sweat you just left on the workout bench. Inevitably, you're bound to forget it one day as you sprint out the house for your 6 am workout. Never fear, in most gyms there are paper towel dispensers all over and some gyms even provide towels. Use them. Just because you're forgetful doesn't mean I want to swim in your sweat pool. Wipe it down!
   

   
    

4. No Leering
   

   Freedictionary.com means to look with a sidelong glance, indicative especially of sexual desire or sly and malicious intent. It's creepy, scary and can get you in trouble with your HR Dept at work. Don't do it at the gym either. You're scaring the pretty women away and while I go to the gym to work out, eye candy is greatly appreciated. NO LEERING!
   

 

Again this list isn't exhaustive, just a jump off point to get you on your way. Hopefully this post helps someone, somewhere correct some reprehensible behavior which may have gotten you booted from your gym and stunted your desire to get healthy. If you need more help with gym etiquette, see an employee at your local gym, an experienced vet, or me. And if remember if it's questionable, don't do it. Stay up, stay blessed, stay healthy!